


Amaryllis

by Yamiga



Series: Amaryllis Project [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: After 143, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Friendship, Horror, M/M, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2487575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiga/pseuds/Yamiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Hide gets way to deep into Aogiri and other things involving ghouls, Kaneki captures him and keeps him hidden from the outside world. Being unable to go outside, call family, use a computer or even watch television isn't Hide's biggest concern however. The price of curiosity and compassion was heavier than he imagined, as he soon discovered he would bear more than just emotional pain and confusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story has violence, and mpreg in it. It will get very graphic at some parts as far as violence goes. If you are offended by mpreg, or violence, or gore, please do not read. This story deals with heavy themes and if it makes you uncomfortable, please, do not read.

“ _Let me go...” Hide begged with his hand clutching the doorknob. “Please Kaneki...” He shivered as that one red eye glared at him from the darkness, shattering any chance of escape he had. “Please_”_

 

“ _No.” His “friend's” tone, took that usual stoic turn, he sounded hopeless as he took a few steps towards Hide. By this time the blond college student tried his best to open the door. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks until finally, Kaneki roughly grabbed his shoulder and threw him to the ground._

 

“ _It's dangerous, Hide. You know that, don't you?”_

 

“ _I'm not a child Kaneki.” Hide attempted a smile, or a laugh at least. However, that worked to no avail..all hopes he had of bringing his old friend back were pointless. This wasn't his Kaneki standing before him. He didn't know who this was._

 

“ _I can't let you go Hide. I did once and you almost died.” Kaneki knelt down. “ **I** almost killed you. I have to protect you.”_

 

“ _Then let me go Kaneki.”_

 

“ _Never.”_

 

Hide woke to an old song playing on his MP3. It was one of those catchy American songs and by now, he knew every word perfectly. He listened to this one the most, as it held the most meaning. It helped him get up every morning, which was now difficult for someone like him. The night before, he probably had the song on repeat when he placed his headphones around his ears. Due to tossing and turning, they probably made way to his slender neck. And oh, the nightmare. The same damn nightmare he had every night. 

 

Or he liked to call it a nightmare. 

 

Sighing, Hide stretched and silenced his MP3 player. He held it in his palm and scrolled down the list of songs. It had been the same number of songs for over a year now. Nothing added, nothing deleted, just the same sixty hundred, and sixty six songs, and the same thirteen albums. Things, of course, would have been different if he had access to a computer, but he wasn't even granted that luxury. 

 

He shut the MP3 off and placed it on the nightstand. Glancing towards the other end of the bed, he had just noticed that he was alone. Strangely, that comforted him as he stood and searched for his house shoes. He ran a hand through his thinning blond hair before walking down the long hallway and stepping into the bathroom.

 

He stripped himself carefully and observed his body in the mirror. Like always, he marveled over the large scar on his back. Three long claw like marks about a foot long each. By now they were welted over but the still tended to hurt from time to time. It was more emotional pain, verses physical. Emotional, because this was evidence that he had attempted to escape, but was violently stopped in the process.

Rolling his eyes, he stepped into the shower and allowed the warm water to moisturize his skin. In about ten minutes, he stepped out and began to dry himself. His clothes rested on the sink counter, and without much effort, he bent over to grab them.

 

As he extended his hand, he felt a strange jolt in his stomach. This had been happening for the past week now, so it didn't really surprise him. He ignored it and grabbed his T-Shirt and sweats. After he pulled his clothes on, he left for the bedroom.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Hide grabbed his MP3 from the bed and put his earphones on his head. Within seconds, his ears were filled with the repetitive tune that he'd woken to that morning. Humming and singing along to the words, Hide trailed down the dust filled stairs and into the naturally lit kitchen. 

 

He stopped suddenly, as he peered through the threshold, gazing at another being whom seemed to be enticed by a book in his hands. Some called him Shiro-san, at least the ghouls that came to visit did. Hide supposed it was an honorable name in the ghoul society. And eventually, even he grew to accept that name, for Shiro-san, and Kaneki Ken were two different people. It just took him a while to realize that.

 

“Kaneki.” He breathed, causing the ghoul to place his book on the table.

 

“Hide, you're up.” Kaneki stood and wore that same, lopsided smile. 

 

“Yeah, I just showered_”

 

“I've got to go.” 

 

Hide remained silent as he pulled his headphones around his neck and headed towards the stove. 

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“I'm not stopping you.” He pulled some eggs from the refrigerator. 

 

With his back turned, he listened as Kaneki stood and left the house. Like always, he mentally counted to ten and turned around. The ghoul was gone, the only thing left behind was his book. Hide sighed and continued to make his breakfast. A few months ago, he would have contemplated on escape, but now that seemed pointless. He could get half way across the world and Kaneki would find him and drag him back.

 

Why Kaneki kept him, Hide still didn't know. He was human, he was now weak, he was nothing. 

 

They only saw each other briefly. Late hours at night, or early hours of the morning and even then, contact was little. The only time the two experienced more than a conversation, was when Kaneki would lose his mind. Scratches and bruises were just simple reminders of what Hide had to go through. And with no phones, or electronics (save for his MP3) in general, it was difficult for Hide to contact any help. 

 

His eggs were starting to burn amidst his absence, so he turned off the stove. He placed his food on a plate and sat down at the table where he began to eat. That morning, the food went down roughly, as his stomach began to churn. After about three bites, he found himself placing the fork down and standing. He rushed to the bathroom where he hovered over the toilet until his nausea passed. After that, he threw most of his food away, save for a piece of toast that he made. That seemed to go down his system much easier than the eggs.

 

After sitting down for a bit, he stood and placed his earphones back on his head. He cleaned the kitchen for a while before heading to the couch and sitting down. Looking ahead, he supposed that a television would've looked perfect in place of a book shelf. But it was Kaneki's taste that ruled.

 

So closing his eyes, he drifted. 

 

A hand absently fell across his stomach when he began to feel slight discomfort but for the most part, all was well. In a temporary sense. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, and forgive me if there are any mistakes! I'm super tired right now!

Hide vaguely remembered the days when he'd be chasing Kaneki like a love struck girl. With his bike equip, and his binoculars in his hand, he would tour the city scape. Some days he'd find evidence of Kaneki's whereabouts, other days, he'd find nothing. He faced just as many failures, as he did victories, but never was his flame extinguished. It was fun in a sense, yet at the same time tiring.

 

As Hide swept the interior of the house that evening, he couldn't help but reflect on those days. It was hell for him, wondering where Kaneki was all the time, but he felt so useful. All that information, being on par with the CCG...everything.

 

It was almost pitiful where he was now. Not allowed to leave the house, not allowed to call, watch TV or anything. He wondered what his friends thought of him, if they'd called the police. It's not like the authorities, nor the CCG could do anything.

 

Sighing, Hide continued his task until the living room was completely swept.

 

Earlier that day, Hide completely lost his appetite, so he figured that he could try eating again. Maybe something light, like rice or beans. His stomach was still a little bloated but not nearly as bad as before. Whenever he rubbed it, it seemed to settle down.

 

_Sweet beans and rice will do the trick._ He thought to himself before heading to the kitchen.

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

“Big brother!” Hinami nervously called as she looked through an aisle of dresses. “Do you think this red one is pretty?”

 

Kaneki caught off guard turned to face her. “Yeah...it looks nice.”

 

For now, just hours after a senseless killing spree, Kaneki found solace in shopping with Hinami in the suburban plaza. Usually when the two met up, he took her to Tokyo, but seeing as he couldn't step foot in there without suspicion, he took the the outskirts of town. Hinami didn't mind. As long as she was with Kaneki, it didn't matter where the two shopped.

 

Presently the two were dress shopping. Kaneki, prior to this, had been in a run-in with a gang of ghouls while searching for the manager. This resulted in him killing and eating every single one of them. Now here he was, regaining himself, while walking with Hinami. She seemed to be timid, after everything that had happened. Kaneki figured she was traumatized by it all. Touka's location was unknown, which scared her. Kaneki could only imagine the turmoil she was in when she thought the CCG had killed him.

 

It was nice for the two to get together like this, even amidst the horrors they faced.

 

“Is big brother feeling alright?” Hinami asked a few minutes after she grabbed another dress. The two walked down the aisle and things were unnaturally quiet. Kaneki, noticing that he was acting distant smiled.

 

“Yeah!” He replied. “I'm just tired that's all. No need to get worried.” With that all too charismatic smile, he and Hinami continued their way through the store. A few things caught Kaneki's eye. Some sweaters, that Hide would like and some extra clothes Hide probably needed...he probably needed to buy Hide some dinner, that is if he wasn't cooking it himself.

 

“Go ahead to the check out line, Hinami. I'll be there in a second.” He was distracted by a book shelf. The label over it read 'Detective Novels', and a few people were crowding the area. Kaneki didn't know who Hide's favorite mystery author was, but he had a feeling his blond would read any book he could. So as Hinami scurried to the line up ahead, Kaneki made way to the crowd. Excusing himself politely amongst the people, he took one of the books off of the shelf. Taking a step back, he gazed at the cove _r. Amaryllis_. _.._ The title read. _I hope Hide will like it._ He thought before joining Hinami back at the checkout line. 

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

After peeking into a few more stores and purchasing some more items, both Hinami and Kaneki walked down the street, talking about their day. The sun was nearly setting behind the trees and Kaneki wanted to get Hinami back to Banjou before it got to dark. Things regarding their whole group had shattered during the events of the Anteiku raid, and at least in the city, their faces were known. The suburbs were a safer place, but still, Kaneki had no idea if investigators were lurking around at night.

 

“You're doing it again...” Hinami's worried voice broke Kaneki's train of thought, causing him to gaze down at her.

 

“Doing what?” He asked nervously.

 

“Staring like that. It's scary sometimes.” She admitted.

 

“Oh, I'm just thinking I guess.” Kaneki replied, managing a smile. “Sorry for making you nervous...all the time. Things are just a bit more difficult now.”

 

Hinami nodded. Prior to this, Kaneki was so used to keeping her in the dark, but now it was nearly impossible to hide anything.

 

“Things will go back to normal Hinami.” Kaneki rubbed her shoulder. “Trust me. We'll find Touka-chan, manager...” He paused slightly before starting back up. “Then we can all remake Anteiku together.”

 

His heart warmed when he saw the little smile forming on Hinami's lips. “Promise.”

 

“I do.”

 

A few timeless seconds passed as the two walked up the sidewalk towards the secluded house. Hinami held tightly to Kaneki's hand as they approached.

 

“Big brother.” She broke the silence.

 

“Yes Hinami?” Kaneki gazed at her once again.

 

“Maybe sometime, can I stay with you? Mr. Banjou is nice, but I'd like to stay with you sometimes...”

 

The two stopped momentarily in front of the door.

 

“You want to stay with me?”

 

“For a night.” Hinami muttered. “If that's alright.”

 

Kaneki thought for a while. “It would be fine Hinami. Just tell me when, okay?”

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

The beans turned out to be a terrible idea as Hide currently lay sitting in the bathroom with his back up against the wall. His sticky clothes clung to him as he could still taste the disgusting residue on his tongue. His stomach still felt like shit even after he had vomited.

 

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

 

He could practically feel something inside of him, blooming and growing. With his hands doing the best they could to offer him some comfort, he sat there, gazing at the ceiling, and rubbing his stomach. There wasn't particularly any ease, just the same annoying movement. He supposed he needed to use the bathroom, but when he tried that earlier, that didn't work. Throwing up seemed to be the only solution and even then, the pain still sufficed.

 

Sighing, Hide closed his eyes for a few seconds before standing to his feet and walking over to the tub. He was quick to cover the drain and turn on the hot water. As he waited for his bath to fill, he stripped off his clothes one by one. Now naked, and rather cold, Hide stepped over the ledge and slowly sat on the base of the tub allowing the warm water to caress his body. Within minutes, his stomach ache was forgotten as the liquid worked its magic. He calmly sank a bit lower allowing his hair to get wet.

 

With his hands positioned on top of his abdomen, he began to rub, adding to the comfort he was already receiving from the warmth. Sighing once again, and closing his eyes, his hand continued to race over the irritated area. From what he felt, nothing seemed out of the ordinary...well, save for the fact that his stomach was a little...hard?

 

_Maybe I'm eating something wrong. I must be bloated._ That seemed plausible enough.  _I'll drink a lot of water tomorrow...maybe that will stop it..._ All these thoughts caused Hide to grow rather tired. Before he knew it, he was dozing off, sinking deeper into the tub than before. Lower, lower and lower he went until his nostrils just brushed the surface of the water. Opening his eyes and snapping back into reality, Hide quickly sat up to avoid accidentally drowning. 

 

_Thank God I woke up in..._ Hide stopped in mid-thought, horrified, as he gazed at the bath tub water. He could've sworn that it was clear a few seconds ago, he could see his legs underneath the steaming surface as could he the rest of his body. Now however, as his stomach began to burn once again, he stared into a pool full of red. 

 

_Blood...blood...my...blood?_

 

The water turned dark crimson, with every reaction Hide made. For a minute, cold fear paralyzed his system as he realized that this was in fact his blood staining the water. He couldn't move an inch as he peered into the tub, hoping that this was just a dream. His paralysis however, was short lived, as the burning sensation now took hold of his body. Unclear as to where the pain rooted from, he clutched his abdome and began to scream. He thrashed and cied, splashing bloody water all over the bathroom until puddles of red stained the white floor. One may have mistaken the blood as a child's messy attempt at painting, or even now, as Hide painfully gazed over the ledge of the tub, large red petals of an amaryllis flower. Blood took its form, and bloomed into something beautiful, treating the bathroom floor like the garden outside.

 

Hide would've continued to stare in awe and wonder, but his torment signaled no end.

 

He felt something ripping at his stomach, with little fingers as sharp as rose thorns. His insides pulverized into nothing but gooey mesh. Crying, Hide made way to get out of the tub and ended up tripping in the process. He fell down, trembling on the bathroom rug as he grabbed for his stomach. Sprawled out and helpless, his body was defenseless against the internal intruder forcing its way to the open.

 

Hide could do nothing as the pain increased, as the blood continued to stream rather ungracefully from his rear. He only closed his eyes and grabbed on to the fabric of the rug as a higher force parted his legs. Slowly slipping them open, something forcefully slid through his slippery walls...

 

_There's something in me...crawling....what is it...?_

 

He felt a hundred legs, followed by a hundred prickly thorns stuck inside of him.

 

He found himself screaming again, forcefully pushing with every fiber of his being. But whatever this demon was , refused to leave him painless...

 

_What is it?_

 

He began to lose consciousness as the whole bathroom was filled with an ever rising pool of his own blood.

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Kaneki was instantly alerted by Hide's screaming when he arrived in the house. It took him less than five seconds to rush upstairs to see what was wrong.

 

He stood there confused for a few moments in the door way, watching as Hide screamed and splashed water around the place, as if something was attacking him.

 

_He's dreaming...he's having a nightmare...._ Kaneki quickly walked inside and began to shake Hide. He dodged the numerous punches and ignored the screams until Hide's brown , tear filled eyes finally fluttered open.

 

“K...Kaneki?” He sobbed.

 

“Hide, you were dreaming.” Kaneki moved Hide's wet bangs out of his face. “It was a bad dream...”

 

“The blood...”

 

“It was a dream Hide, it's okay.” The half ghoul smiled and bent over. He softly placed a kiss on Hide's forehead and pulled him into a hug.

 

“It was so real Kaneki...” Hide managed, still visibly shaken.

 

“I know how real dreams can be.” Kaneki replied, squeezing Hide. “It's just a dream...okay? Just take a deep breath, and grab on to me.”

 

Hide did as he was told, allowing Kaneki to lift him out of the tub. Kaneki carried him all the way to the bedroom, where he placed him on the bed and retrieved a towel from the drawer. He worked diligently as he dried Hide.

 

“What do you want to wear tonight?” Kaneki asked, tossing the towel into a room chair.

 

“N...n...nothing...I just want...want to go to bed.” Hide, still visibly shaken, only received a nod from Kaneki. Within seconds, the two were under the sheets. Hide had pressed his back side against Kaneki, craving that unintentional longing for protection. Kaneki didn't mind at all, as he held his blond close.

 

“Good night Hide.”

 

“G...good night..”

 

Eventually, the silence picked up and Hide could hear Kaneki breathing behind him. Closing his eyes, he turned around so that he faced Kaneki. It was really times like this when Hide, despite the situation he faced, really needed Kaneki. He knew his friend had gone through hell and back, and to have someone like that, to have someone like that care for him, meant a lot.

 

_I just hope we can sort things out..._

 

Hide longed for the days when they were in love, but they were friends. There was no fear on Kaneki's part prompting him to go as far as hiding Hide from the outside world.

 

And now this...this thing inside of him. Hide had no idea what it was...perhaps it was just a placebo affect, maybe he wasn't sick or anything. But he could feel something, kicking and moving, though much softer than earlier.

 

If the lights were on, and if he cared to peak under the blankets, he was certain that he'd be able to see something moving down there, under the surface of his stomach.

 

At that moment, whatever it was moving, was trying its best to get to Kaneki. Hide just decided to ignore it, and go to bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's clarify things incase you were confused.  
> This takes place after 143...so Kaneki fought with Arima and of course lost, but Hide saved him. During that time, the two formed a relationship, but something caused it to go to this, that's in the summary.  
> Touka and Yomo's whereabouts are still unknown, but Kaneki knows where Hinami and Banjou are. Kaneki is still looking for the manager, and everyone else, but he is also killing ghouls around the area, and on his little quest to find everyone. Which is how he gets his food.
> 
> Hide had a dream, but of course that dream is trying to tell him something.
> 
> And I know Kaneki is a little insane, but he really does genuinely love Hide and after everything that has happened to him, he doesn't know any other way to keep Hide safe. He himself feels like a failure, and this has led up to this point. Hopefully, Hide will be able to open his eyes and give him the encouragement that he needs to boost his self esteem.
> 
> As for the dream itself...well, I feel that if Kaneki underwent horrific visions and dreams, then Hide should as well, especially if he's carrying Kaneki's baby.   
> I know this may have been a disturbing chapter, but I hope you enjoyed and I'll update as soon as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support! I've enjoyed writing this so far! I promise not to be so inconsistent!

There was a time a while back when both Kaneki and Hide's relationship was uncertain. After Hide had rescued Kaneki from the CCG, Kaneki seemed to be more distant than ever. He didn't talk to Hide, he didn't acknowledge him, and whenever Hide attempted to speak to Kaneki, he'd ignore him or lash out. Needless to say, things between them,to start out were as rocky as ever.

 

Now, the morning, after the bathtub incident, Hide supposed they had at a point, taken a positive turn in their relationship. As he gazed into the bathroom, he couldn't help but to visualize happier times he and Kaneki had shared. Going out to the movies...sitting in a cafe, going to a bookstore (Kaneki would usually makes jokes about how unlucky Hide was to be going on a bookstore date with a ghoul), or even just walking on the beach.

 

Catching a sigh, Hide marveled at how much he missed those days. He had tried talking to Kaneki about being less protective, but that resulted in an unwanted breakdown, and it wasn't like he _hadn't_ tried to escape. Kaneki could just smell, really well.

 

Shaking his head, Hide continued to inspect himself.

 

He had large bags under his eyes, and he had become pale. His veins were practically as visible as day underneath the surface of his skin. His hair, was growing thicker and a bit longer; he supposed he'd have to ask Kaneki to cut it again. 

 

Another thing Hide noticed and hated to admit to himself was that he was gaining weight. Not drastically, but he could tell. Thankfully, that stomach ache had subsided, but it had left behind it's victor. Hide could hide this weight gain with some old, baggy shirts and sweaters, but it was still uncomfortable, and he kind of wanted to get rid of it. It was odd, how these changes slowly started to affect his body. He wondered when this started, and what exactly it was. He would've stood there, observing himself a bit more, however, his stomach began to rumble.

 

_I'm actually hungry..._

 

He thought before quickly brushing his teeth, hopping in the shower, and preparing himself for yet another boring day.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

When Hide arrived down stairs, he was surprised to see Kaneki hovering over the stove.

 

“I thought you left!” He exclaimed, a little to joyous. Kaneki, seeming to catch his enthusiasm, turned around and smiled.

 

“Not yet. I had to make you some breakfast right?”

 

Hide couldn't help but smile back. “You didn't have to. You don't even eat...” He replied as walked over the refrigerator and opened it. He was caught by surprise when he realized how much their supplies had multiplied. “Kaneki, you went to the store yesterday?”

 

“Yeah...I um, got some groceries, and some food for you...” Kaneki was beginning to get nervous, the way he did whenever he and Hide would have a conversation that tended to lack. Seeing the situation they were stuck in, it was reasonable. “I also bought you a book...it's a detective novel...”

 

“Hey,” Hide, shutting the refrigerator door, took a few steps towards Kaneki and wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Thanks. Don't worry yourself.”

 

Kaneki was taken off guard by the hug, but he continued to cook. “Okay...Um, breakfast is ready.” He smiled, as Hide let go of him. “Do you want juice?”

 

“Yeah, I can get it.” 

 

Hide rushed back to the refrigerator and took out some orange juice. About a minute later, he had a half full glass pressed against his lips as he sat at the table. 

 

“Are you going out today?” He gazed at Kaneki, while drinking some of the juice. Kaneki, still hovering over the stove, chuckled.

 

“Yeah.” He replied, with just an ounce of guilt in his tone. “I won't be out long...and oh,” He turned towards the table to face Hide. “You...might have someone else coming over.”

 

_What?_ Hide nearly choked on his juice. “Why?” This was odd, especially for Kaneki. 

 

“Well,” Kaneki placed some food on Hide's plate and brought it to him. “After yesterday...I thought about you being alone while I'm away_”

 

“I just had a bad dream_”

 

“I used to have bad dreams all the time. They actually meant something...and, seeing how you freaked out yesterday...I just don't trust you being here by yourself. You're weak anyway.”

 

There were many times when Hide wanted to lash out at Kaneki when he so casually insulted him, but he'd learned to hold his tongue. No, not because Kaneki would yell at him or anything like that, but because Kaneki always had some smart ass way to contradict Hide and make him sound even more dumb than before. He was a literature student after all, he knew how to play with words and sentence structure.

 

“How does it taste?” Kaneki asked, noticing the silence. He had hovered over to the sink area to tend to the dishes.

 

“Fine.” Hide kind of understated the answer. The food was delicious, the rice, the bread, everything. And the _juice._ Hide had finished his cup, only to want another one. Though, he didn't feel like getting up, nor did he feel like bugging Kaneki, so he sat there until he was done with his food.

 

“That was fast.” Kaneki commented from the sink.”Did you even chew?”

 

“Yeah.” Hide stood up and took his plate. He walked over to the sink next to Kaneki where he began to wash his plate. Kaneki, who washed the skillet, stared at him from the corner of his eye. Hide, feeling a little nervous made his chore quick. He forced a smile before taking his cup and scurrying to the refrigerator. 

 

“More juice? You could've asked.”

 

“I didn't want to bother you.” Hide had a full glass of juice in his hand along with the carton in the other. Within five seconds, the glass was empty and he was eying the carton. For a while he gazed at the cardboard in silence, wondering whether or not to pour another glass. However, seeing as he was the only one who drank juice, he placed the cup on the counter and drank straight from the carton. It was really impolite and showed his lack of manners, but he just needed the juice _that_ badly. 

 

Kaneki stared in amusement. “Do I need to get more juice on my way back?”

 

“Make it two cartons.” Hide confirmed.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Kaneki had gone out for the day, leaving Hide to clean once again.

 

Much to his dismay, his amaryllis flower was growing way too big for the pot so after he swept the main room, he went down to the basement looking for another plant carrier. After a few minutes of searching, he found something suitable to hold a plant. It wasn't exactly meant for a plant, but it would have to do. 

Taking a few beep breaths, he bent over to pick the pot up. Normally, something like that would've been too heavy for him, but that morning, it was extremely light. It had to be the orange juice, Hide supposed, giving him all the vitamin C he needed.

 

Without much effort, he carried it upstairs and placed it on the window ledge just above the sink. After a few minutes, the pots were switched. Grabbing the other pot, he made way to the basement where he intended to store it. However, not paying that much attention to his surroundings, he tripped on the broom that he'd left absently on the ground just a few minutes before. The fall wasn't that bad, he had of course, shattered the flower pot into a few pieces, and in the process, cut his right pointer finger. Again, he wasted some valuable minutes cleaning up his mess.

 

His trip to the bathroom was quick, and he thanked whatever entity there was that he hadn't had an ill stomach, yet. His intention, when he arrived to the bathroom, was to clean out the cut on his right finger. However, when he held it to the light, and observed it in the mirror, it appeared the wound had vanished, almost as if nothing was there in the first place. Shrugging, he still washed the area where the cut was, but didn't think too much of it. After a few seconds of gazing at himself in dissatisfaction (his stomach to be exact), he headed to the bedroom where he read the detective novel Kaneki had bought him. 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

The night before, shortly after Hide had gone to sleep, Banjou had contacted Kaneki, asking him to visit the next day. There was concealed urgency in his voice, and Kaneki only assumed that Banjou didn't want to frighten Hinami. But there was certainly something wrong, and Kaneki could tell. So that morning, he found himself at Banjou's breakfast table across from the larger ghoul. Kaneki held a cup of coffee in his hand though, the foreboding news that Banjou bestowed upon him prevented him from taking a sip. There were a lot of things on his mind at that moment, a lot of things that he thought he could forget...or thought he could put off for just a little longer. 

 

“Can you say that again?” Kaneki spoke, after a few moments of silence.

 

“Aogiri, has the manager....” Banjou breathed. “But they're also....they're also closing in on my location. I've been getting to close, and they might have a general idea of where I am. They may come for me, soon.”

 

Kaneki's first thoughts were Hide, and Hinami. He knew that Hinami, at that moment, was in more danger than Hide, but if Aogiri could get a hold on Banjou, then they could get a hold on Kaneki. Though, he wasn't being nearly as reckless as Banjou.

 

“What are you suggesting then?” Kaneki unknowingly eased his tension by taking a few sips of his coffee. 

 

“I have to leave before Aogiri comes here.”

 

“Do you want me to take Hinami?” He had mentioned to Hide that she could come over, but it seemed she'd be living with them now. Still, he was surprised by his quick response. 

 

“Would you?”

 

“Of course!” Kaneki gave a smile. “You just have to make sure that you're safe, Mr. Banjou. If Aogiri catches you, then you know how that will end.”

 

Banjou nodded. “Thank you....I'll, talk to Hinami about it. You can come and get her tomorrow morning.”

 

“Is she asleep now?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Kaneki had finally finished his coffee. He took the cup and walked over the sink where instinctively, he began to wash it. “Any word from Touka? Or Yomo?”

 

“No. But I have a feeling they've made it out of Aogiri's clutches.” Banjou replied.

 

Kaneki shook his head. “It's not Aogiri I'm worried about...it's the CCG.” Kaneki turned to lean against the counter. He took a deep breath before continuing on. “After my battle with Arima....after getting tortured for days on end by the CCG doctors, in hopes of extracting my kagune and the RC cells, I think that any ghoul needs to fear the CCG more than they do Aogiri. If Touka and Yomo get caught by Aogiri, they have a chance of escaping...the CCG will just experiment on them...” He paused for a while, remembered the anguish and pain he went through. “That was worse than Yamori's torture and I had no idea how I was going to get out of there...if I was going to get out of there...”

 

“How did you escape?” Banjou asked quietly, seeing how much the memories pained Kaneki.

The white haired ghoul stopped for a moment as he remembered the day Hide had saved him. Though the memories weren't completely solid, due to the drugs in his system at the time, he remembered tear gas, screaming, and someone grabbing him. The affects were still potent, and after day and day of being poked, prodded, and injected with foreign materials, something had formed in the pit of Kaneki's stomach. He couldn't remember what it was, for when Hide grabbed him, that sensation of fullness slowly vanished. That was the last day he felt it, whatever it was. The rest of his memories, included Hide telling him not to trip, and begging him not to let go of his hand, running through the CCG, dodging investigators, and being driven far away. 

 

There was no denying that Hide had saved him, and in the process, he'd put himself in danger. But as much as Kaneki wanted to scold Hide for being so reckless, he had no idea where he would be if Hide hadn't intervened.

 

“I was just lucky I guess...” He finally replied. “I knew the area pretty well after being there...” 

 

Banjou nodded. 

 

Kaneki felt a little guilty, not telling the truth, but he didn't trust others when it came to Hide. And even now, he was at odds with Hinami. Hide was just so important to him, and he couldn't lose him, not again. He would do whatever it took to ensure his safety, even if that meant turning a hand on his 'comrades'. 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Hide had eventually dozed off after reading a few chapters of the book. It took him all of thirty minutes to wake up and go to the kitchen to eat something. Despite the fact that it was time for lunch, Hide had a craving for breakfast again...though he lacked juice. So without much thought, he made himself toast and gobbled it down. 

 

After that, he washed his plate and found solace on the sofa. It was the point of day where the sun was shining through the sliding door leading to the yard. All that warmth and sunlight currently basked his anticipating body. It felt really nice. Inevitably his eyelids began to drift until they were closed. He then shifted his position a bit until he was really comfortable, then he attempted to go to sleep.

 

His mind however, became abundant with various thoughts. First and foremost he thought of the strange sensation in his stomach, then remembered the dream he had the night before. And then, he thought of rather, grimmer things...in relation to his dream.

 

He remembered in detail, breaking into the CCG to save Kaneki. That day he was filled with anticipation yet at the same time, fear. He knew that if he was caught, both he and Kaneki would be killed. Well, he most certainly would be killed...Kaneki however, he wasn't sure of. Upon entering the CCG hospital room that evening, and seeing Kaneki lifelessly strapped to the hospital bed, he knew the CCG had something planned for him.

 

Hide had thought that the CCG's main goal was to extract the RC cells, but he was wrong. Kaneki was strapped naked to a hospital bed with a flock of doctors around him. There were tubes and IV's inserted in most openings of his body pumping strange drugs. That creeped Hide out, in addition to seeing the way the doctors would poke at him with injections. 

 

But there were really some things that stuck out more than others

 

The blood rolling down Kaneki's thighs, the strange lump that seemed to swell and move around in his stomach, his distant mumbling...and then the doctors.

 

“We lost it...” One said.

 

“It was a failure.” Another completed. “The ghoul wasn't compatible with Special Class Investigator's DNA...” 

 

Hide had finally stepped into the clearing by then with his bottles of tear gas, and activated them. He had rushed in, wrestled one of the coats off of one of the doctors and wrapped it around Kaneki. After that, he needed to get out of there. He remembered Kaneki's blood, staining the white coat and dripping to the floor. Kaneki's stomach gradually became smaller until that strange lump had vanished. 

The whole occurrence was strange, and he couldn't make any sense out of it. All that mattered now, was that Kaneki was alive and well. He didn't remember what had happened, and Hide didn't feel like telling him.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Kaneki returned home with more groceries. 

 

His heart warmed when he saw Hide asleep on the sofa. After placing the goods on the table , Kaneki walked over to his blond and prepared to ruffle his hair. However, something else caught his attention, and that was the size of Hide's stomach. At the angle he was in, curled up on the couch, an obvious difference in size was visible. Curious, Kaneki's first instinct was to poke Hide's stomach, which he did, softly. He figured his blond's abdomen would be tender, instead however, he was met with a very hard outer surface.

 

_Odd..._ He thought.

His hand finally drifted to Hide's face, where he rubbed his nose. Within seconds, Hide's eyes fluttered open and he sat up. 

 

“Kaneki?” He yawned. “You're home early.”

 

“Yeah.” Kaneki sat, moved forward and pulled Hide into a hug. “Are you feeling okay? It seems like you've been sleeping all day...”

 

“I'm just a lot more tired than usual.” Hide spoke into Kaneki's chest. “Nothing to worry yourself about...”

 

“Is your...is your stomach feeling funny?”

 

There was a moment of silence before Hide shook his head. “No.” He replied, blankly. 

 

“Good.” Kaneki smiled. “I um, got you some more orange juice.”

 

At that, Hide perked up. “Really? I've been craving that all day!” He looked past Kaneki towards the kitchen table and nearly sang when he saw four large jugs of juice. “You carried those all by yourself?”

 

“Nothing's really that heavy anymore.” Kaneki admitted. “I just hope you like...it....did you like the book.” He was beginning to sound nervous again, so Hide decided to raise his level of enthusiasm.

 

“I loved it, but I fell asleep while reading it.”

 

“Good.” Kaneki looked away. “I'm glad.”

 

“Yeah...um, hey Ken, if you don't think things are heavy, then can you carry me?” Hide urged. “I don't really feel like walking?”

 

Kaneki, wearing a smile of redemption complied. With one arm, he held Hide as he walked to the kitchen. With his free hand, he quickly opened a bottle of juice and poured Hide something to drink. “I'm going to put you down now.” Kaneki grinned. “So you can drink your orange juice.”

 

Hide was already sitting in one of the chairs with the cup tilted at his lips. He drank a few gulps before he was finished.

 

“Thanks Kaneki.”

 

“No problem.” Kaneki sat opposite to him. “And um...Hide, you know how I told you someone would be coming over?”

 

“Mmhm.” Hide replied.

 

“Well...she's going to be living here, from now on.” Kaneki sounded a bit disheartened.

 

“She?” Hide rose an eyebrow.

 

“Yeah...her name is Hinami. She's fourteen, and she has no place to stay. She'll be here tomorrow.”

 

Hide contemplated on how amazing it would be to have someone else around, even if it was a fourteen year old girl. Sure, it'd be strange at first, but perhaps they could form a friendship. Hide already assumed that she was a ghoul, so there would be no worries cooking for her. Kaneki would handle all of that.

 

“That sounds great.” Hide smiled, and poured himself another glass of juice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wild chapter I guess!  
> So that was just an insight on how Kaneki ended up with Hide. I just wanted to erase the idea that Hide was weak, and couldn't do anything by himself. He may be stuck in a weird situation now but...he isn't weak. And oh, can you guys figure out what he's craving?!
> 
> About Kaneki. He's not entirely "okay", is the word, in this story. By no means are his actions justifiyable, but I wanted to completely shatter the idea that he was phyiscally abusive towards Hide. He keeps him inside, he doesn't let him leave, but he won't hit him, or beat him or anything like that.   
> The tags are psycological torture, which matches not just for Kaneki, but for Hide. But moreso for Kaneki. Kaneki has been abused emotionally, mentally and phyiscally, and sadly, that's really all he knows. But he's not going to torture Hide simply because Hide is his friend, and he loves Hide.  
> Also, Hide's practically walked to his death tons of times before while doing stupid things, which is another reasons why Kaneki is the way he is. What Hide doesn't realize is that both Aogiri and the CCG are looking ofr him, and if any of them, find him, esepcially given his current situation, he's fucked. Badly.  
> Kaneki is going to realize what he's doing is wrong, soon enough, but you know, I'm not to ready to count this as abuse. Yes, Kaneki's actions are borderline abusive. He restricts Hide, but he has his reasons. And really, is it abuse if you're keeping someone from dying.  
> You may be doing thigs that'll lead said person to hate you, but as long as they're safe and protected, it doesn't really matter.  
> The way you go about that can determine if you're an abuser or not, but i'm using 'abuse' to describe Kaneki. I'm using paranoid, confused, and troubled and Kaneki is fully aware of that.  
> Which is why he tries to do so many good things.
> 
> And Hinami is on her way!  
> I hope you guys enjoyed, thank you for all the support. And oh, I do have a tumblr if you are curious! yamiga123.tumblr.com! I discuss Tokyo Ghoul stuff...Hidekane stuff!  
> AND OH!  
> Me and a few users are coming together to make a HaiseHide week sometime next month, so if you are interested in helping us with that at all, just drop and ask in my box and I'll add you to the list!  
> Thank you!  
> Have a wonderful evening!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just got the down low on Tokyo Ghoul Root A...ERM...I'm not ready to read any more tragedies, let alone write them. Let's just say this story had a tragic end to begin with, but after that, I'm...no...no...I'm not kidding, when I saw no other manga/anime has fucked me up nearly as much as Tokyo Ghoul. Hope you enjoy.

 

That morning, after waking up alone, Hide tried for another bath. He was nervous, given how the last one turned out, but after slipping into the warm water and closing his eyes, everything seemed fine. His stomach was for the most part, normal, despite the fact that if felt like something was moving inside of it. However, the warmth from the water seemed to sooth that discomfort. So taking a deep breath, he began to drift slightly.

 

_Kaneki must be getting...Hinami? That's her name...right?_

 

A smile absently crept across his lips.

 

He was aware that even if a new person would be living with him, he and said person wouldn't automatically be friends, so to speak, it would take some time, but Hide wouldn't be so lonely anymore (not that he was lonely, but bored).

 

The idea of a new person seemed refreshing, and made him happier. It also gave him hope that maybe Kaneki would change too. Maybe he'd let Hide go to the store, or even step into the backyard.

 

_I can dream..._ Hide thought before laying his bed back and trying for a quick nap.

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Kaneki waited in silence while Hinami packed her final bag.

 

With an unfaltering smile painted across her lips Hinami joined Kaneki downstairs. Banjou had departed earlier that day leaving the two younger ghouls to without him. Kaneki vaguely remembered their last discussion, regarding Aogiri and just how dangerous the organization was growing, again. It sent shivers down Kaneki's spine to think of them. Not because he feared for his life, but for the lives of those he cared about.

 

Hide, to be specific.

 

Kaneki had no idea what he'd do if ever, Aogiri got a hold of Hide.

 

“Big brother!” Hinami's sing song voice prompted Kaneki to turn around where she stood. “I'm ready.”

 

Kaneki walked over to Hinami and took one of her bags for her. “That's a lot of packing.” He commented. “You're sure you have everything?”

 

Hinami was quick to nod. “Let's go then.”

 

As the two began their silent walk outside of the house, there was an uneasy feeling weighing upon Kaneki's chest. He gazed down at Hinami from the corner of his eye feeling his trust dwindle on a thin wire.

 

_This is...bad..._ He thought.  _Am I seriously doubting Hinami's trust?_

 

He hadn't told her about Hide. He didn't know how to, or if he even wanted to, but he  _had_ to. How would Hinami react if she came into the house and saw Hide? Kaneki knew that she held some fear for humans by now, and explaining Hide's situation—Hide in general—would be troublesome, but he had to. And to do that, he had to trust Hinami. 

 

The two had made it half way down the sidewalk, when Kaneki finally offered to carry the rest Hinami's bags for her. With her usual, bubbly personality, she insisted that she could carry them on her own. In silence, Kaneki nodded and continued the walk, feeling more and more uneasy.

 

_What if she tell someone? What if Hide dies because of that...what...what...what if Hide runs away?_ All thees thoughts caused an unpleasant feeling to grow in Kaneki's chest. He wasn't sure whether to be frightened for Hide's safety, or angry with himself for thinking so lowly of Hinami.

 

He needed to stop this. He'd promised Banjou that he'd care for Hinami, and with that, came revealing Hide to Hinami. 

 

_I can trust her...I can trust her...I can..._

 

“Hinami.” Kaneki's voice broke through the silence, causing the optimistic little ghoul to smile at him.

 

“Do you need something big brother?”

 

“No...I just have to...I have to tell you something...”

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Hide had consumed more juice than he needed to, as a result, his stomach was acting up again. This time, the light flutters that he was used to, turned into some forceful “kick like” sensations. As he lay there, on the couch, he attempted to fall into a comfortable position. Earlier that day, after the unnecessary orange juice consumption, Hide's back had also started to give him problems.

 

So aside from the strange, “kicking” feeling, he had to deal with a sore spine.

 

_Great._

 

That pretty much summed up his current position of rest now. On the sofa, waiting for his discomfort to pass. Maybe a nap or two would settle it...or make it worse. Hide wasn't entirely sure.

 

So he remained there, switching positions until he was comfortable. Perhaps, if a nap didn't work, he would take out a book and read...Kaneki had bought him that detective's novel, and Hide read a few pages of it earlier...it was actually_

 

The sound of the door opening caused Hide to sit up abruptly. His eyes drifted to the front entrance where, he saw Kaneki standing there with a rather subtle expression on his face.

 

“Ken?”

 

The half ghoul slowly stepped aside as a small, young girl slowly crept over the threshold. She made it inside the house, and nervously stood beside Kaneki, clenching his hand. In her free hand, she held what looked like a small suit case.

 

She stared directly at Hide with an expression of fear.

 

_Crud...I've gotta introduce myself..._

 

Hide, feeling a bit odd, seeing as both ghouls were staring at him, hopped off of the couch. “You must be Hinami then.” He knew he should've been a bit more, laid back, but his charismatic personality prevented that. In addition, Hinami looked familiar from the time Hide would spy on Kaneki before he went missing.

 

Hide found himself quickly rushing towards her with his hand extended. “My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika, but you can call me Hide for...”

 

He stopped abruptly when she took a step closer to Kaneki and looked at him with confusion in her eyes. Kaneki, gazed down at her and sighed.

 

“It's okay Hinami...remember, he's nice.” Kaneki coaxed, but her expression still remained the same. Hide decided to try for another chance.

 

“Hey, Hinami, let me take your bags upstairs...” He extended an arm, but Hinami pulled hack.

 

“No...I...I can do it myself....”

 

For the longest time, without a word, she stared at him, causing him to grow extremely nervous and self cautious. He of course, hid this behind a smile.

 

“Hinami...” Kaneki breathed.

 

“It's fine...” Hide nervously replied, breaking his gaze and heading back towards the couch. “I mean, she's probably nervous...after she spends some more time with you Kaneki, she'll warm up to the place...”

 

_Rejection....from a child is terrible, Hide. What are you doing with yourself..._

 

Hinami remained there, staring at Hide, even after Kaneki unlatched their hands. It was odd, and Kaneki seemed to catch on to the tense air.

 

“Hide...” Kaneki grabbed Hide before he made it to the couch. “I'm going to be gone for a while...it's just gonna be you two...”

 

Hide gulped, and prepared to protest, but Kaneki's expression already made it impossible for him to bargain.

 

“Th...that's alright....” Hide smiled, contemplating on what to do with a little girl that didn't like him. “When are you going?”

 

Kaneki shrugged. “Now...” He instinctively, pulled Hide into a hug, but Hide was quick to twist out of it. He was a little annoyed, at that moment, given the situation. And it wasn't exactly Hinami's fault, but Hide hated feeling like a stranger in his own home.

 

“Hinami...Hide will take care of you...I'll be back in a few days.”

 

There was a silence, but no one seemed to react, not externally at least. Hide sat down on the sofa, looking at his hands that currently sat in his lap, upon his long shorts. Across from him, by the door, still stood Hinami seemingly afraid of him. In all of five seconds Kaneki exited, leaving the two alone. Hide chanced another gaze at Hinami, right before standing. “I guess, I should lead you to your room.” He figured that Hinami would back up again, or run without Kaneki around, but he took his chance.

 

“Are you sure you don't want me too...”

 

“No.” Hinami stepped to the side, and grabbed her bags. “It's fine...I can carry them by myself_”

 

“Hinami...I know you may not like me, or...you may not...trust me, because I'm a human....but...” Hide managed the brightest smile. “I want you to know that I'm_”

 

“You're...” Hinami began, causing Hide to stop. “You're really pretty...”

 

This caught Hide off guard. He stared at Hinami in shock, observing the way she kind of hid behind herself. It was evident that she was nervous about what she had said, but it was genuine.

 

“Thank you...”

 

“You smell like mommy...before she died...before she was killed...” Hide would've comforted her, but the rapid kicks began again. He absently placed a hand on his abdomen to calm the movement. He noticed Hinami was staring at him with a soft smile.

 

“Sorry...it's a stomach ache_”

 

“Mommy said that all the time. That's because my little brother...or little sister...was always kicking...” Hinami left her suitcase by the door and rushed towards Hide with bright eyes. “And she smelled funny...like she was two people...because she was...”

 

_What?_

 

“And that's how you smell now. But instead, you smell more like big brother...that's...that's why I looked up at brother...To see if he knew just how much you smelled like him...or just how much the boy or girl inside of you _smells_ like him...and...” She was practically hopping in front of Hide. “That's why...why...I don't...want you to...carry my stuff. Because...before mommy died, when her stomach used to act all funny, and when she smelled like two people, _and_ daddy, she couldn't carry heavy things...”

 

Hide swayed nervously back and forth as yet another kick riddled through his stomach. “I don't...I don't...understand, Hinami.” Hide frantically laughed. “Was your mommy sick before...before...”

 

“Mommy was pregnant! Just like you are now!” Hinami quickly turned around and ran to her bags, unaware of the unsettling expression on Hide's face.

 

_She's just joking...or she doesn't know...I'm a guy...remember?_

 

“You can take me to my room now!” She clenched her suitcase handle. “ _I'll_ carry them!” Hide nervously nodded, trying his best _not_ to look disturbed. He repeatedly told himself that Hinami was just smelling things...that he just had a stomach ache...There was no way....

 

“This way Hinami.” Hide had to regain himself, he couldn't lose his cool, especially in front of a young girl. So, keeping a short conversation, Hide led Hinami upstairs to a room opposite he and Kaneki's.

 

“Sorry it's really....bland....maybe we can decorate it....” Hinami strolled past him with wide eyes. She placed her suitcase in the corner and stood in the center of the room, looking around at the large interior.

 

“It's _big_!” She commented.

 

“Y...yes...” Hide laughed. “It belonged to Kaneki's dad's family....it belongs to Kaneki now....ouch...” He found himself hunched over, lightly grabbing at his stomach in hopes to stop the discomfort. “Sorry...I just....”

 

“Can I feel?” Hinami was getting nervous again, playing with her fingers and looking at her feet. “Your...stomach.? Mommy let me do it all the time.”

 

“Uh...yes...” Hide was still in a daze even as Hianmi ran over to him and quickly placed her hands on his stomach. He remained still as she began to rub, with a bright smile on her face. “Maybe it...maybe...it will be a girl? Then I can have a little sister...but a little brother would be fine...oh! She's moving...do you feel?” Hide would've answered, but he started to panic, badly. He was breathing heavily as Hinami pressed on his stomach. He certainly felt something, moving, kicking...

 

“Big brother will be excited...”

 

That's when Hide began to lose his balance. His air pipe was constricting, his heart was pounding...his blood was rushing...

 

_Oh my..oh my...._

 

He lost himself and began falling. Luckily, Hinami stopped him and nervously, pushed him back to his feet. “A..are you...okay?”

 

“Yeah!” Hide broke out into a cold sweat and quickly shook his head. “I'm fine...I just...” He nearly tripped, prompting Hinami to grab his hand again. “I'm...light headed...I'm gonna...I'm gonna sit...”

 

Hinami helped him to the bed where he sat, and attempted to calm his breathing. She, avidly rubbed his stomach laughing and chattering. It seemed that the movement in Hide's abdomen distracted Hinami from his current distress, which Hide supposed was a good thing. He was pretty sure he'd lost all blood in his face...his eyes had to be as wide as saucers....he had to look devastated, because things were starting to make sense now.

 

The pain...the discomfort...the nausea...the craving for juice...the movement, and of course, his weight gain. Hide wasn't an expert on pregnancy and he didn't ever strive to be one, but he knew his bodily changes were well known symptoms.

 

“Do _you_ think it's a boy...or a girl...? Does big brother know?” Hinami's hands were now under Hide's shirt, as there seemed to be more movement to the touch of the skin. Hide, amidst his inner turmoil, chanced a glance down at his exposed stomach. 

 

That time, there was no denying, no trying to pretend. 

 

He, currently stared at the little creature twisting around, pushing and kicking. He could see the imprints it made, almost as if it was trying to kick out of his stomach. He felt the little flutters from before and a rhythmic beat that he just started to notice.  _The heart beat?_

 

Hide had to calm down before he worked himself up again. He needed to breathe...he needed to think...he needed to assess the situation. After all, he was supposed to be good at that kind of stuff. 

 

“Hinami...Hinami...” He caught her attention instantly, prompting her to pull her hands from his stomach and place the bottom of his shirt back down. 

 

“Mmhm.” Hide nervously scratched at his face, before he answered.

 

“Let's not tell big brother, _just yet._ Can we surprise him? Promise you'll keep it a secret?” 

 

Hinami nearly squealed at that. With wide eyes, she quickly nodded. “I promise! I promise!” 

 

“Thank you...Hinami.”

 

_Don't lose your cool Hideyoshi._

 

“Well, if that's all then...maybe we should start unpacking? I know the room is a little boring but maybe...maybe we can go buy decorations at the store...” Hide caught himself, remembering the countless times he'd tried to escape. “I mean...maybe_”

 

“Big brother says you can't leave...” Hinami spoke, noticing the change in Hide's mood, the visible one at least. “Why is that?”

 

Hide, not wishing to make her nervous, quickly shook his head. “No reason. He's just overprotective, that's all! Now,” Hide jumped to his feet. “where were we? Oh yeah, unpacking your things...then we can make your bed...” Hide kept on, raising Hinami's enthusiasm...he only wished he could do the same for himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, at least Hide knows now. And thankfully, Hinami was the one to tell him...and I know she may've been a little nervous to being with, but that's because she could smell the baby, and Hide smelled a lot like Kaneki, for obvious reasons. I also have many headcanons that her mother was pregnant before she was killed. 
> 
> So Hinami sees this as another chance to get a little sister or brother. 
> 
> I do hope you all enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

After Hide helped Hinami unpack her stuff, the two found themselves downstairs on the cough.

 

Hinami sat near Hide as his book rested open in his lap. He read the pages with a forced enthusiasm, as to entertain Hinami. There was no television, internet or anything like that. That was of course, okay, when Hide was by himself, but now with a young girl, he needed to find some form of suitable entertainment. In addition to that....he needed to start facing his problem.

 

“O..ouch...” Hide mumbled, gaining Hinami's attention.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“He's kicking pretty hard...” It was weird to use the term kicking. But looking down and seeing little moving stubs under his shirt—feet—kicking seemed like the most plausible term to use. And though he hadn't “fully” accepted his condition, it seemed believable.

 

Hide figured that the CCG had something to do with this. He'd walked into the doctors doing some strange things to Kaneki, and now here he was, with Kaneki's baby inside of him.

 

_If only I convinced him to let me top...things would be different._ He thought over and over again.

 

“Does it sometimes tickle?” Hinami asked.

 

“No...not really. It just feels strange. Like...and alien almost!” That was an odd way for Hide to describe it, but he couldn't find any other way.

 

“Can I feel again?”

 

Hinami didn't wait for him to answer. She simply shifted positions so that her hand was rubbing the blond's stomach. Hide placed his book down and smiled. Despite the severity of the situation, it was nice to bring amusement to a most likely traumatized little girl.

 

_Still...I need to figure out what to do. I can't stay here and handle this...I don't know the first thing about pregnancy..._

 

Hide needed a doctor...someone who specialized in cases like this. There had to be somebody...someone he could find...somewhere he could find them.

 

In the silence of the moment, Hide finally stood much to Hinami's confusion. “Is everything okay?”

 

“Yeah...I'm just thirsty.” Hide commented as he made way to the kitchen. _Do you want anything?_ He wanted to ask, but remembered that Hinami was in fact a ghoul. “Um...can I make you some coffee?” There was a hesitant pause until Hinami finally hopped up from the sofa. “I can make it myself!”She still had the mentality where she didn't want Hide to get his hands dirty.

“Okay...if you need help, I'm right here.”

 

Hide had taken a jug of orange juice from the refrigerator and quickly poured himself a glass. Hinami watched in silence as he drank the large quantity in seconds.

 

“Does it taste _that_ good?” She asked quietly.

 

“Yeah...” Hide itched his hair. “I'm kind of...craving it now.” He supposed that was the best word to use. Hinami continued to make her cup of coffee as Hide thought.

 

He couldn't keep on like this. Locked away and erased from the world. And now, with this life inside of him, he'd need to get some help.

 

“Hinami,” Hide poured himself another glass before he continued. “how about going into town for a day?”

 

There was an unspoken uncertainty that followed Hide's question. He turned to his side, and faced Hinami who had her head down, obscuring her expression. Her hand gripped along the handle of her mug, signifying that she was unsure of an answer.

 

“We can...go get decorations for your room, right?” Hide was getting quite nervous himself. “It looks pretty bland now doesn't it.

 

“Big...big brother says you can't leave.”

 

_Crap._

 

“Yeah!” Hide placed his cup down on the counter and brought a hand up to itch his shaggy hair. “He did, didn't he?” Hide eventually leaned against the counter and gazed at Hinami. He now had her full attention.

 

“He says that...you'll be taken by the CCG...he says you used to work for them but you betrayed them.” Hinami nervously played with her hands. “What if they kill you?” She was obviously worried and concerned for Hide's well being. It was evident to him then, that she'd been through a lot, she'd lost a lot...the look in her eyes said it all.

 

“I promise nothing will happen...and if you're scared, you can stay here. I won't be gone for long...and_”

 

“I don't want you to go...” Hinami, still gripping the mug scurried over to Hide. “What if someone...hurts you....or hurts her!”

 

Hinami was flustered and Hide could tell he needed a good recovery. So taking a step forward, Hide took the mug from Hinami's hands and placed it on the counter. He then pulled her into a soft calming hug. It was odd, given the fact that the two had just met, but he'd had experience with young people about to lose their minds.

 

“I'm doing this for her.” Hide commented. “She needs a doctor...I can't take care of her alone...I just need to make sure she's okay. You have to understand, Hinami. We both want what's good for her.” He brought his hands to Hinami's shoulders and gazed down at her. “I just need help Hinami, so I can make sure she'll be healthy.” _I need help more than she does. I'm a guy, I still don't really believe this is happening to me...._ And that much was the truth. He decided to accept the possibility that he could've been pregnant, but he didn't believe it 100%.

 

“Okay...” Hinami's response of defeat was enough to crush Hide's heart. But he only pulled her into another, tighter hug.

 

 

“Thank you...” He muttered.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Hide put on a couple of extra undershirts and his usual baggy jacket. Next came his baggy, pants followed by his shoes. He searched for his cap hidden away in his drawer and softly placed in upon his collar length, shaggy hair.

 

_All for the sake of figuring out what the hell is wrong with me._ He told himself, over and over again. It made him feel better, it lessened the fear of what would happen if Kaneki figured out about this. He remembered those nights, hiding for hours outside or trying to go to a friends house.

 

Kaneki would  _always_ find him. He'd be there to drag him back, to threaten the people who dare tried to take Hide from him.

 

_Am I really prepared to take that risk? Again?_

 

He gazed at himself in the room mirror, observing how normal he looked. The baggy blue jacket helped hide his changing stomach and made him feel a bit more secure about himself.

 

_I'm not going to be running away or anything...I'm just looking for someone to help me...I'm being sneaky. Just like old times..._ Hide took a deep breath, giving himself a smile and a thumbs up in the mirror. He looked perfect, he was perfect...he was his old self again, not Kamei's damsel in distress. 

 

After ten or more minutes of mental preparation, he began his quick strides down stairs. As he expected, Hinami sat patiently in the living room, with Hide's book sprawled across her lap. She was most likely trying to read the kanji. Hide had remembered reading somewhere that ghouls didn't go to school, therefore some of them tended to be illiterate when it came to kanji.

 

“I'm out then...” He grinned. “I'll be back soon.”

 

Hinami placed the book down and took an uncertain breath. “I want to...I want to come with you...”

 

Hide half frowned, as he quickly shook his head. “Hinami...you don't have to force yourself...it's fine if you stay here. I won't be upset if you don't want to come. I promise.” 

 

Hinami looked down at her fingers, which she currently played with in her lap. “Please...I want to come with you.”

 

Her soft eyes made contact with his , reflecting nothing but genuine sincerity. Hide knew this whole idea was risky. Leaving the house without Kaneki's permission was a gamble, but bringing Hinami into his schemes was another story. 

 

But he couldn't leave her.

She'd been left behind too much. She practically clung to Hide now, he was all that she had. And with know real knowledge of where Kaneki was or what he was doing, Hide knew Himani would learn to depend on him more.

 

He couldn't just leave her.

 

“Okay Hinami...” He offered her a bright smile. “Let's go.”

 

OoOoOoOoOo

 

It had taken Hinami some time to get ready. During her preparation, Hide had grabbed some change from the kitchen counter just in case he grew hungry. He mentally strengthened himself over and over again, fearing that he would back out of his own plan. He had to do this, he couldn't keep letting Kaneki dominate his life.

 

Some minutes later, Hinami found herself by Hide's side promptly gripping his hand as he himself stood just in front of the door. His hand held the doorknob, attempting to twist, and push through. His inner thoughts however, prevented him from doing so.

 

Hide knew how to hide his emotions from those he cared about. He was amazing at crafting a mask, putting up a smile or brushing negative emotions aside. He'd done so all his life, for those he loved...for Kaneki.  _But now, the tables had turned. It was quite odd, hiding his fear because_ of the one he loved. 

 

_He'll find you Hide...he'll catch you...you'll....never see the light of day again._

 

Hide began to have his doubts....

 

What if this was a bad idea? Maybe Hinami was wrong...maybe this wasn't a baby?

 

_Anything would be better than him discovering that you've been sneaking out..._

 

Hide could've gone back upstairs. He could've turned around and abandoned his plans. He could've let the fear of Kaneki craft him into something he wasn't.

 

But Hide was smart...smart enough to know that he was losing himself.

 

“Come on Hinami!” Hide managed an enthusiastic grin that Hinami soon copied.

 

As the door pushed open, Hide was taken back first by the sun light. The rays of heat shined brightly into his eyes, prompting him to cover his face with his hand. Next, following after the sun were the softy, yet forceful hums of wind. Hide could practically feel invisible hands, running through his hair and clothes....it felt nice.

 

Somewhere overhead, he could hear the birds chirping and their wings flapping in excitement and delight, as if to say “We've never seen you before!”. And that much was true. They were so used to seeing Kaneki every morning, it was very unlikely that they knew another person lived in the house.

 

_Everything looks so...feels so...different..._

 

Taking his first few steps down the pathway felt odd. Hearing how his shoes crushed the gravel, or how the trees hummed as the air flew through them, brought Hide a great amount of nostalgia. He remembered the days when he was free to roam around. Those days when he felt most alive, chasing Kaneki around Tokyo with the charisma of the detective he longed to be.

 

Thinking about how much he had changed now was depressing.

 

_Don't think about it. Get your old self back..._

 

“Hinami are you ready?” He gripped her hand tighter after shutting the door. “We won't be long.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never actually seen a story where Hide is “afraid” of Kaneki. So, though Kaneki isn't phyiscally abusing Hide, I wanted to depict a kind of, “frightened” Hide. Yes, he and Kaneki are best friends, but Kaneki has changed a lot. Kaneki is so protective and possessive due to things that have happened to him and because of his corrupted mind, he doesn't know any other way to treat Hide.
> 
> Hide isn't so much afraid of Kaneki....only what will happen if he's caught by Kaneki. Because the first few times he attempted to escape, resulted in failure.
> 
> Okay, the next chapter is going to be more eventful. I just wanted to focus on Hide's inner thoughts, and of course his relationship with Hinami.
> 
> If you haven't read 
> 
> Rose (http://archiveofourown.org/works/3546221/chapters/7807403)  
> or  
> Perfect Happiness (http://archiveofourown.org/works/3743497) 
> 
> You should. They're both of the Amaryllis series. Basically they interconnect with this story! Oh yes, and look out for another one, that also interconnects with this story. They all add up, and they're labled under the Series Amaryllis Project!  
> Hope you enjoy this story!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. From now on, I'm going to try and update periodically....Once a week, I'll try.... Oh, and if you're curious, there will be a Hidehaiseweek taking place next month from May25th-31st. Detials can be found here: hidehaiseweek15.tumblr.com/post/117133946914/hidehaiseweek2015
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS!!!! Warnings: OC's and a BIG surprise (if you can catch it)!

 

Oddly enough, Hide's first stop was the library. It was a surprise to him, that he remembered the directions so clearly, let alone, his way around the town.

 

Hianmi followed behind him the whole way until they made it to the rather disappointing building. Hide's first instinct was to look for books regarding ghoul pregnancy but much to his dismay, the selection was minimal. So after reconstructing his plans, he and Hinami eventually found themselves in a newly built bookstore a few blocks away.

 

“This place wasn't here a while ago...” Hide commented. “It looks new...” The interior and exterior stuck out from the many old buildings in the small town. It looked out of place almost.

 

“Big brother says there are a lot of books to pick from. He took me here on our way to his house.” Hinami commented as she quickly ran to hold the door open for Hide.

 

“Oh...um...thanks.” Some people inside the store stared at him with looks of disapproval. It wasn't Hinami's job to hold the door open for him. He of course grabbed the handle and made sure that she went inside first. People around suddenly minded their own business.

 

“Okay Hinami...you can look around if you want. Let's just meet back here in ten minutes.” He gave her a kind smile. “I'll buy you a book, okay?”

 

 

“Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?” Hinami stood nervously in front of Hide. The blond just nodded.

 

“Go on, I'll be fine.” He ruffled Hinami's hair.

 

Within seconds the two split. Hide's first destination after that, was unfortunately the bathroom. His stomach had been feeling uneasy ever since he left the house. However he supposed that his fear of Kaneki wasn't the only thing setting him off edge.

 

After throwing up, Hide walked to the sink to wash his hands and his face. Much to his anger, when he looked in the mirror, he realize his blond dye was running out. Thin, but dark strands of brown hair were seen through the lighter parts. He frowned.

 

_If I really am pregnant, then I can't color my hair anymore, can I? I'll be brunette again._ Sighing, Hide made way to the towels where he dried his hands. His next stop in the library was the ghoul section. Understandably there were not a lot of people around. There were some young people, around his age. There was a young white haired teenage girl, with a smaller white haired girl with her. They were both dressed in some type of uniform. 

 

_I've never seen that school uniform...it looks private._ Hide and Kaneki used to refer to kids in those uniforms as “prissy well to do students”. Retaining focus, Hide remained in his area of the ghoul section, and began pulling out tons of volumes and selections. He skimmed through every book he got a hold of, looking for something promising in regards to ghoul pregnancy. He unluckily saw the same things over and over again. Ghoul pregnancy wasn't really touched up on.

 

_Good grief, please don't let this visit be in vain._ Hide thought.  _I came all the way here, for nothing...?_ He placed the books back on the shelf in defeat. His plan then was too find Hinami, leave the book store and hopefully find another place where they could research. Maybe a science building or something. 

 

Hide stretched, turned around and began to walk however, the little girl with white hair caught his attention. She had been looking at him while her guardian was preoccupied with books of her own. Hide stopped suddenly to meet her eyes. She was a tiny girl, maybe of three or four. Her cheeks were chubby and rosy, and her eyes were bright red. Her hair was white, though looked like it could've been a different color at a point, maybe brown. The way she stared at Hide gave him a scary sense of familiarity, as if he'd seen her before.

 

_I know that face...I know that look..._ She looked almost insecure and self doubting of herself, but those expressions seemed hereditary. 

 

_Who is she...she looks so familiar...I've seen her...._ Hide remembered his days at the CCG sitting in the lobby, eating and joking around. Not with Akira, not with Amon or Suzuya but....

 

_Takizawa?_

 

“You smell funny!!” Her high pitched voice sounded like a terrible shrill. She was a lot louder than she needed to be, but that was understandable. Altered by the unpredictable accusation, her guardian turned around in both shock and irritation.

 

“R...Rose!” The older woman yelled. “Be quiet!”

 

 _Rose_ had simply ignored her. She was tripping over herself, running towards Hide with a bright smile on her face. “You smell weird! You smell weird!”

 

Hide half laughed as Rose grabbed on to his pant leg. She certainly was cute, but had little to no concept of stranger danger.

 

Albeit and a bit nervous, given her previous comments, Hide decided to bend down to touch her little hands. “Hi there.”

 

“Rose...Rose...” The white haired girl quickly took Rose away and picked her up. She stared apologetically into Hide's eyes. “I'm so sorry sir. She gets really....flustered when...when...” This teenage girl continued to speak but her words fell deaf upon Hide'e ears. All the while he stared at both white haired females. They both seemed strange, and awfully familiar. It seemed as if he'd met the girl, the little one, personally,before.

 

_Takizawa...why Takizawa?_ It was odd to think of Seidou at that moment of time, but there was something so alluring and reminiscent about this little girl that kept Seidou at the forefront of Hide's mind. Perhaps they looked the same. And the girl, the older one. Greyish eyes, white hair tied back, glasses, kind yet bland expression.

 

_Takizawa....CCG's Reaper...Arima...?_ The last time Hide had heard Arima's name, it had been when he rescued Kaneki. The CCG had been implanting something into Kaneki's body and whatever it was, had something to due with Arima. Now, here Hide was, face to face with someone who looked exactly like Arima, his supposed nemesis. His supposed nemesis holding a girl who looked exactly like Seidou.

 

“But I mean,” The girl's voice had broken through Hide's painful train of thought. “Rose is right. You do smell kind of strange.”

 

_Smell? What are you talking about._

 

“I don't understand...” Hide blinked, nervously.

 

“Oh you must realize.” The girl spoke. “Even Rose smells it, and I smell it.” She was a little snappy as she walked towards Hide, who began to back up. “You're obviously pregnant. You either know this, and are in denial, or you don't know...well, now you do know.”

 

Hide was unclear of how to act or respond. He stood there, absently placing a hand on his stomach with an unreadable expression on his face.Many thoughts ran through his head at the moment, and he began to fear these two were from the CCG.

 

_Takizawa...Arima...I don't understand._

 

“Oh sorry...” The teenage girl itched her hair. “I didn't mean to be rude...sorry.”

 

“How'd you know?” Hide began to anxiously look around the small section of the library, just to make sure no one else was around. There were some people here and there, but they were too far away for them to listen in on his conversation.

 

“I um...I could smell it....it's happened before you know, no matter how odd it is. You smell strange, that's how I know, but it's familiar to me...”

 

Hide, despite the situation, grew rather hopeful. “What's happened? What's familiar to you?”

 

She shrugged. “Ghouls impregnating humans...no matter the gender. It's not as common as you think, but it's not as rare as you think either. Erm...I'm guessing that's why you're in this section of the library. I saw you getting books most likely having to deal with ghoul pregnancy.” She sighed. “Sadly, you won't find any help for your situation in here. Male on male ghoul pregnancy is still something that the human world is unaware of...”

 

She paused for a while, and stared ahead just to see if he was taking in everything she was saying. In the silence of the moment, little Rose attempted to reach over towards Hide to rub his stomach.

 

“Let me touch it! Let me...let me!” She whined. Hide instinctively stepped forward, unsure of his actions. Rose tried to rub, but the older girl pulled her hand away.

 

“Sorry she's not used to people yet.”

 

Hide shook his head in confusions. “Can you explain everything to me? If you know anything about this....then I need...I need...” _Your help._ Hide wanted to say, but that was risky. He didn't know this girl. For all he knew she could've be luring him into a trap.

 

“My help?” She asked for him. “Would you like me to help you? I myself can't help you...I'm busy at the moment, but I know someone who can. You obviously have no idea what you're doing. Isn't that why you came all the way out here? To find a solution to your problem?”

 

Hide considered for a while, and remained silent. Here he was, stuck again in a sticky situation, all by his own doing. He was angry for leaving the house in the first place. He was angry for being figured out so easily by these two. And by their actions, and their social skills, Hide had already figured they were ghouls. And there were still a lot more red flags bring thrown his way.

 

_Why did I have to mess up? Why can't I read through her...?_

 

His intuition was off, his mood was off, everything about him was off. Never would he walk into a trap so easily. He should've been able to tell that they were staring at him, spying on him.

 

“I...” But here he was now, standing there in defeat. “I could really use your help.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

The first thing Hide did when he got home was step in the shower. After he'd cleaned himself and dressed (and urged Hinami to do the same) he washed their clothes. He destroyed any evidence of he and Hinami's absence, and made sure that he'd returned the money where he'd found it. Thankfully the two didn't have to use any. He made sure he looked on point, with little to no evidence that he'd left the house. He had the slight fear that Kaneki would be able to smell the outdoors on him, but figured the shower would clear any suspicion.

 

Gazing into the mirror one final time, Hide gave himself a smile of encouragement. “Kaneki won't be back until later...that's what he said.” _But you don't believe that, do you? Isn't that why you're so frantic?_ He spoke to his ill looking reflecting. “You're okay...and you have to be. You have to be strong.” He had to be, he couldn't back down any more, especially with how far he'd gotten today.

 

Casually, he peeled his gaze away from his reflection and down to the bathroom counter top. Sitting there, with perfect ink written upon it, was a small contact card. It housed an address, a name and a phone number. Hide took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

 

“ _Sora is her name, and she deals with cases like this all the time. We both do actually, but she's more experienced than I am. She doesn't really mind who she works on, as long as you're not snobby. And don't worry, she doesn't eat people.”_ This girl had assured. During their small conversation Hide discovered her name was Aki, and she was there taking a friend's child to the book store for books regarding ghouls. Her friend had been turned into a ghoul against his will and faced the same dilemma, Hide was in. Except, Rose the little girl, was forced upon him. Aki's friend had no idea how to care for a ghoul toddler so needed help, which Aki offered. _“Sora will be ready for you in two days. I'll give her a call a head of time. On the back of the card, I've listed the quickest ways to get to her house. You may want to leave tomorrow, it takes a while to get to her place. Rose and I have to go now. It'll take us about a day to get back to her house...this is the only book store close. See you again maybe, Hide. Hope everything goes well.”_

 

Opening his eyes once again, he took the card and placed it in his pocket. Slowly, he walked downstairs and sat next to Hinami who was currently, on the sofa practicing her kanji. Hinami greeted him with a calm smile and moved over. He sat next to her, returning that enthusiasm.

 

_I have to take Hinami with me. I can't leave her here...but will she want to go? Will she betray Kanekia anymore than she already has? And not only that...what am I getting myself in to? Can I really trust a girl I met at a book store? A ghoul...that has a resemblance to Arima?_

 

The more Hide thought about it, the more he realized the terrible situation he'd put himself in. He, at the moment, had no choice however. This was his only chance to confirm his condition, this was his only chance to get help. If he happened to be walking into a trap, he was certain he could get himself out.

 

_But Hinami...?_

 

It didn't matter, what choice did he have? Hinami couldn't be alone at the house. She'd no doubt go looking for him and get hurt.

 

_It's a choice I have to make. Isn't that what parenting is all about? Making hard choices...? Just like...just like mom did._

 

“Hinami.” He broke the thinning silence shrinking between he two. Hinami, torn from her concentration, threw a glance at Hide. He could tell she was dying for a conversation. Hide's lips departed partially as his words grabbed the tip of his tongue.

 

_She trusts Kaneki. Could I really do this to her? Who am I to ask her to leave and come with me? Who am I to ask her to come with me a meet a woman we haven't met? Am I really being this selfish?_

 

“How would you like to go on a trip?” Hide finally expressed his wavering query the best way possible. Yet, the look on Hinami's face in response to the question nearly made his heart drop.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suspense in this chapter!!!! Also, if you're interested...Hidehaiseweek is coming up pretty soon! I'll have some more info at the end of the chapter.

The next morning, Hide had gone out while Hinami was still asleep. He found himself at the store buying food, some clothes for both he and Hinami, and some other things needed for traveling. He also stopped by the train station and bought two one way tickets to the town Sora lived in. It was over a day's trip, but Hide was up for it. All he really needed was to get some tips for his condition. After that, he supposed he could manage by himself, with Hinami's support of course.

 

“Okay....” He muttered as he searched the items on the wall. He currently resided in the coffee aisle, calculating how much he'd have to spend to buy a few instant packets of coffee. “Hinami...she'll need more than two packets over the trip.” He muttered. “So, I'll get...hm...one box has seven packets? I'll get three boxes. Seven packets in each, twenty one servings.”

 

Hide reached forward and grabbed three boxes, carelessly tossing them into his basket. Afterward, he began his detour around the rest of the store, retrieving what he needed just in time to check out before the lines grew long.

 

His travel back home didn't take much time, nor effort. He was also able to enter the house, and sneak into Hinami's room to check on her without waking her. 

 

“You've still got it in you...” He had mumbled as he made way back down to the living room. He still needed to pack the food, the coffee, the clothes and a lot of other things before he and Hinami departed. He pondered on asking Hinami for help, but she'd already done enough. This trip needed to be as easy as possible for her. Hide eventually made progress in packing their things, finishing just in time for a little nap. Before that however, he grabbed the suitcases and brought them upstairs to the bedroom. He wanted them to be out of the way until he and Hinami were ready to leave.

 

After that task, he shut the room door and took the tickets from his pocket. The two of them would have to leave about three hours from then. So he could take an hour long nap for the time being.

 

Yawing slightly, he receded back downstairs preparing himself for a nice, light sleep. Hide's eye lids were already heavier than they were when he woke that morning, and his focus seemed to grow thinner with every step he took. He was unaware of his surroundings as his foot brushed upon the last step of the stair case, leading him unto the base of the living room floor.

 

Sluggishly, he lagged over the tiled space until his cold feet made contact with the carpet. He walked with the enthusiasm of a zombie, swaying back and forth as the couch grew closer and closer. With semi-shut eyes, he prepared to fall upon the firm piece of furniture. He at least needed some sleep before he continued his journey...

 

“Hide?”

 

Blood shot eyes tore open as Hide woke instantly. He jumped in such a way that he nearly tripped, but that was the least of his concerns. Standing there, behind him, confused and curious was none other than Kaneki. His hair was a little messy, as well as his pants and dark T-Shirt. His expression was soft and caring. Yet at the same time he seemed to be worried about something.

 

“Kaneki...Kaneki...?” Hide finally managed, feeling fear rip through his system. “I thought you'd be gone...for a while longer. Is something wrong?” All the things that could happen if Kaneki figured out what Hide was doing would be dire. Hide was terrified internally, he was at the point of collapsing. One wrong move, and Kaneki would discover his plan...One breath out of place, one gasp, one twitch of the eye.

 

_Calm down...calm down...you aren't leaving, you're staying here._ Hide lied to himself only for the sake of getting the best of his nervous system. Kaneki would only be able to figure Hide out if Hide allowed him to. 

 

“I just came back to get something.” Kaneki replied, stepping towards Hide. “Are you okay? You seem worried.”

 

“I'm fine.” Hide smiled. “Geez you're a worry wart you know?” He brought his hand to the back of his head and began itch his hair. “When did you get here?”

 

“Just now actually...” Kaneki had already extended a hand to caress Hide's warm cheek.

 

Hide's lips parted, but his words fell blank upon his lips. For as be began to speak, that same, tickling sensation began to grow within his stomach. Foot by foot, it felt as if something was kicking under the surface of his skin, trying to get out.

 

_Crap, does he or she react whenever Kaneki is around?_ Thankfully, his sweater prevented his stomach from being shown too well, so Kaneki wouldn't be able to figure anything was wrong.

 

“How is Hinami doing?”

 

“She's asleep.”

 

“Ah...” Kaneki instinctively pulled Hide close to him, unaware of Hide's inner turmoil. “How are you two getting along?”

 

_All the things I could tell you._ “Fine...” Hide smiled. “She was just a little shy.” Out of obligation more than choice, he wrapped his arms around Kaneki, eventually running his fingers though Kaneki's shirt. “Things are better now...what do you need to get?”

 

_Where have you been? What are you doing? You smell like blood, is there a reason?_ Those were of course forbidden questions, running through the back of Hide's mind. 

 

“Nothing for you to worry about...” Kaneki took a few steps back only to get a full view of Hide.

 

“You're wearing the sweater I bought you. Is it cold?”

 

“It's fine.” Hide assured. “I just, I haven't worn it in a while.”

 

“Hm.” Kaneki nodded and advanced past Hide.

 

The blond stood in the same place, swaying nervously side to side. He took a few steps backward and fell on the sofa, slowly pulling his legs upon the cushions. “I meant to take a nap.” He called.

 

“Yeah, that's fine.” Kaneki replied as if he was giving Hide permission to sleep. 

 

The blond rested his head on the pillow and looked on as Kaneki opened some of he kitchen drawers. He prayed that Kaneki wouldn't notice a large amount of the cash was missing. He watched as his friend rustled through the drawers, one by one, looking for something.

 

Hide sat up, or attempted to. His stomach, once again was giving him problems. So in silence, he looked on as Kaneki grew agitated.

 

“Is there something wrong_”

 

“No, just lay back down.” Kaneki demanded. “It doesn't concern you.” He departed from the kitchen and headed towards the stair well. Hide nearly lost his breath when he remember that his suitcases were laying in the middle of the bedroom floor.

 

_If Kaneki finds those...what...what will I do?_ Hide's facade was actually starting to break now. He placed his head in his hands and began to tremble. This was bad, this was really bad...he had no idea of how Kaneki would react if he figured out Hide was trying to leave the house.

 

_He'll think I'm trying to runaway with Hinami...he'll hurt...no...no he won't...stop thinking like that. He'll just lock you up...he'll hide you...he'll move you and you won't even know where. Then you're whole plan will be ruined..._

 

_Your baby...his baby..._

 

_No!_

 

Hide took a deep breath and stood from the sofa. Nervously, he started his path to Kaneki which led him upstairs. When he made it to the top of the floor, he could already see Kaneki down the hallway, walking towards their bed room. Hide acted next purely off of instinct. If he was sane, his next steps would never had happened, he would've spoken, or pretended to be ill, anything other than _this_ to stop Kaneki.

 

As Kaneki's hand gripped the bedroom door, Hide worked to grab around Kaneki's waist. He was suddenly surprised by how muscular Kaneki's abdomen was but that should've been the least of his concerns. He figured the half ghoul tensed even before he touched him, and angrily Kaneki turned around, maneuvered himself in sch a way that he grabbed Hide by the arm and slammed him against the wall. Seconds later, in the frenzy of the moment, Hide was pinned helplessly with an angry Kaneki glaring at him. His kakugan was glowing, his kagune was flying around behind him making him look even more crazier than before.

 

Every fiber within Hide's being began to tremble with fear. He gazed into Kaneki's eyes as if he was staring at a murderer.

 

“K...Kaneki, it's...it's just me.” Hide gasped.

 

“H...Hide?” Kaneki released Hide's arms, catching the blond before he slid to the ground. “Hide, what were you doing? You know you can't sneak up on me like that! I could've hurt you...Hide.” Kaneki picked him up and held him close.

“I...” _Think Hide, think. What the hell were you trying to do? “_ I thought...I wanted to make sure you were okay....you didn't seem well.” He forced calm breaths. “I just, I was worried about you and wanted to give you a hug. I knew I should not have approached you like that...”

 

Kaneki let out a warm smile as he held Hide tighter. “You don't need to be worried about me, Hide. Not anymore.” He placed Hide down on his feet and took a step away. “I just remembered that what I was looking for isn't here.” He shook his head and moved some white bangs from his face. “I'll be back in about two weeks...” There was an obvious tone of longing in his voice, as if it pained him to admit he was leaving.

 

“That's fine.” Hide forced a smile.

 

Hide felt his heart drop to his stomach as Kaneki's face contorted. “Kaneki don't be sad, I know you're dealing with a lot.” Hide took a step forward and rubbed the side of Kaneki's face. “Cope in your own way...I'll always be here, waiting for you.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Kaneki's lips.

 

Kaneki returned it with the same enthusiasm.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Kaneki had visited Hinami for a few miuntes in her bed room before his departure. Hide hadn't really been paying attention, in fact he'd found himself asleep on the couch by the time Kaneki returned. After waiting near ten minutes after Kaneki left the house, Hide got to work. He hastily made way upstairs and was surprised to see that Hinami was up and ready. Her hair was already combed , she was dressed and she had a wide smile on her face.

 

“You're ready Hinami?” Hide asked.

 

The little brunette nodded. “Big brother came to visit. He talked to me and told me how much he loves you.”

 

Hide giggled. “I never thought of Kaneki as much of the romantic type.” He motioned Hinami to come towards him. “Let's get a move on. The train won't leave for another couple of hours but, we can at least get our luggage checked and good seats.”

 

“And you can sleep on the train, you look tired.” Hinami caught up to Hide.

 

“Yeah...I am....” Hide opened the bedroom door and led Hinami inside. “There are our suitcases...the small one is yours.”

 

“Do you want me to carry yours?” Hinami tugged at his hand like a curious child. She had a determined look on her face as if she had to help Hide with this task. He responded first by ruffling her hair and shaking his head. “It's fine Hinami, I have to do _something_ by myself. You're helping me out a lot already!”

 

“You're doing everything.” Hinami pouted.

 

Hide simply laughed. “Let's get a move on Hinami.”

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Hinami had never been to a train station before, let alone, seen a real functioning train. So when they made it to the main station after their cab ride, she was shocked to see how many people filled the establishment. She saw people with tons of luggage, people buying tickets, people running to the gates, people yelling, huge clocks, she heard ringing bells...just things she wasn't used to. She was nervous at first, and held tightly to Hide's hand, but after a few moments of letting her curiosity bloom, she started looking around the place and asking tons of questions.

 

Hide answered every single one of them with the same amount of effort Hinami put into asking. He realized that he needed to be patient in times to come, as parenthood would bring forth a lot of questions. He supposed Hinami was just an example of what he'd have to face in time.

 

Hide eventually checked their bags in giving them a bit more freedom. The station master had given them permission to sit on and wait in the train before departure. During this time, Hinami and Hide both feel asleep. They hadn't even realized the train had started to move.

 

With the sun already warm in their faces and the smooth movements of the train against the tracks, they were too tired to realize just how close they were to leaving their safety.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this chapter was supposed to be longer, but I have a page limit. Because I lack a beta, proof reading over a certain amount of pages is really troublesome. Anyway, clarification I guess....Kaneki is still dealing with issues, so it was an automatic reflex when Hide grabbed him.
> 
> Hide was being dumb, but at the same time, he was acting purely on impulse and instinct. Kind of “maternal” instinct because Kaneki could've potentially gotten in the way of Hide getting help for his baby. Plus, while Hide is experience “maternal” instincts, they're most likely “ghoul” maternal extincts. 
> 
> Also, just a reminder, hidehaiseweek2015 is next week, so if you're curious, here's (http://hidehaiseweek15.tumblr.com/post/117133946914/hidehaiseweek2015) the main post! Please participate if you want! Anyway, thanks for reading, please tell me what you think, have a wonderful night!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More suspense! This chapter is a little edited due to the fact that I deleted it on accident and had to start over. So it'll end on a big cliff hanger! Also, may you guys please go read my new story “Must be the Nargels”? On a personal note, I wrote 11 pages of chapter two for that storyand it doesn't seem like a lot of people who read the first chapter cared to comment/read the second chapter. I know this may sound naggy, but when fans ask writers to write and we write LONG chapters for you guys because that's what you want, it would mean a lot if you left comments on those long chapters. Writing 11 pages, and hardly getting any feed back is a little upsetting. I had a very very long chapter in store for this story, but I'm cutting it down to a little under five pages. I just don't want to put in a lot of work and write 10+ pages and hardly have anyone comment or leave feed back. I love kudos and I appreciate them, I don't want you guys to think that I don't like them. But feedback really helps and encourages me, it makes me happy that you guys take the time to write a comment on my stories. That means a lot to me! So anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Sometime after noon, the train came to a sudden halt. At that time, both Hinami and Hide were roughly jerked out of their sleep. Both broke out of their little hug and gazed outside of the window. It appeared that they were in a rural city, and by the dimmed sky a bright street lights, Hide could tell that it was almost night.

 

There were chatters amongst the train car, as loads of people began to stand up and make way towards the exit.  _Ah...a layover, I completely forgot....._ Hide thought, standing and grabbing the little carry on bags both he and Hinami had. Hinami nervously clung on to him as he rose, confused and unsure of the commotion around.

 

“It's fine, Hinami...” Hide whispered. “We're just changing trains...don't worry, it happens. Come on.” He held on to the little ghouls hand and led her down the row and out of the train.

 

“What about our bags?” Asked Hinami, visibly confused.

 

“Oh, it's just a lay over. Our bags are still there.” The two stepped on to the platform with other people and quickly made way towards the station entrance.

 

“What's a layover?” Hinami spoke softly.

 

“A layover is when the train stops for a few minutes or hours. During this time, the train is repaired or refueled. Don't worry, our bags are still going to be there.”Hide was aware that his words made no sense to Hinami, so he held her by the hand and walked towards the station. The Conductor of course stood there, offering to help to those who needed it. Hide had overheard a conversation between the Conductor and some more passengers. From what he'd gathered, the train would probably be there for an hour or two, so Hide and Hinami had a lot of time before they had to get back on.

 

“Let's go inside the station Hinami. This one seems a little bit smaller from the one back home.” Hinami simply nodded as her drowsiness was catching up to her, Hide's was as well. He was tired and hungry, not yet fully awake. He supposed he and Hinami could sleep inside of the station, but at the same time, he wondered if there was anything to do in the small little town. From what Hide could see, there were a lot of trees around. Maybe he could take Hinami on a little walk? Rather absently, the two continued their walk towards the entrance of the station. Hinami lugged behind Hide, too tired to keep her head up. Hide didn't blame her, after all, he felt the same way. Though he should've been paying more attention to his surroundings.

 

Hide took an unpredicted step forward, completely unaware that he was walking straight into someone's path. When said person finally came into view, it was too late for Hide to stop. The two collided instantly and Hide felt as if he'd run into a rock.  Hide lost his balance and headed toward the ground at a frightening speed. Terrified that he'd hurt his baby from the impact, all he could do was brace himself and hope that he'd take most of the damage. 

 

However, Hide and the ground never made contact. Instead of colliding with the hard, cold concrete, Hide found himself cushioned in the arms of another. With his eyes shut in fear, he only heard the sound of metal objects clanging against the ground. It took him quite some time to realize that someone caught him before he fell

 

“Hey, you can open your eyes now.” The kind voice of a young man breathed. “I've got you...I won't let you fall.”

 

Nervous and somewhat confused, Hide's eyelids fluttered open until finally, his vision rested upon his savior. Hide blushed in obvious embarrassment of the situation, yet at the same time, gasped at the appearance of the person who held him.

 

This boy had to be in his late teens, no older than Hide. He was probably a magnet for the young girls at school,  as his attractive appearance blew Hide away. He had soft, yet lazy eyes, giving him that “disinterested” and “tired” look. He was of average height, perhaps a few inches taller than Hide and he had a nice build. The blond could tell that this kid was pretty strong as his grip was tight and firm. From underneath his long sleeved shirt, his muscles were somewhat visible, confirming Hide's assumptions in regards to his strength. 

 

Promptly, as Hide sucked in his appearance, he helped the blond to his feet and steadied him a bit. “That would've been a nasty fall..” He itched his black hair nervously when he received no response from Hide. Absently he turned around to pick up his belongings but Hinami was already doing that for him. In her tiny hands she held a wrench, a screwdriver and some other things. She curiously stared at these items as if she'd never seen them before.

 

Hide snapped back into reality and mentally scolded himself for daydreaming the way he did. “Thanks...sorry...I should've paid more attention.” Hide bent down near Hinami and began to help pick up the tools laying around. The attractive boy did the same.

 

“No problem.” He replied with bright enthusiasm. “Happens all the time, it's just a good thing I caught you.”

 

“Yeah...” Hide laughed, standing and handing him his tools. Hide noticed he had a duffel bag, which he placed his various items into and sealed off. By the way he dressed, with long sleeves, blue slacks and gloves, Hide could tell that he was the engineer, or an engineer. However, he didn't want to make any assumptions...after all, he only seemed to be a teenager.

 

“So, you guys got stuck over...?” He mused, itching his hair.

 

“Yeah,” Nervously Hide looked away. “I totally forgot about the lay over.”

 

“Well don't worry, it won't be for long. Plus, there are tons of things to do...here,” He grew quiet for a while and gazed down at the two. “for an odd couple...”

 

Hide, taking note of the sudden realization, shook his head. “We're not like that!” He held his hands up in defense; Hinami couldn't quite understand what he was getting out, thankfully.

 

“I'm only teasing.” He mused. “But tell me, what are you guys doing all the way out here? It doesn't seem like you're all too familiar with the land.”

 

His smile was tempting, and he'd already proven himself to be kind. However, Hide's guard remained erected—he simply couldn't go around trusting people.

 

“A little trip, just a get away.” Hide placed a hand on Hinami's shoulder in almost a parental way. “We've been stuck at home for too long, it's nice to get out every so often.”

 

“Ah...” Around that time, from over head, somewhere back near the tracks, the sound of the train's horn was heard. It was loud enough to rattle the station floor and shake everyone around. Even Hinami, who was drifting back into her tired sleep, jumped up.

 

“It's almost time for me to go.” He smiled, charmingly. “But I hope to see you around—I probably will eventually...” He took a step forward, ready to depart from the two however, Hinami, already shaken from her trance reached out to him.

 

“S...sir, what's in your bag? You work on the train?” Admittedly, Hide was quite surprised that Hinami spoke, give her normal, shy demeanor. It was really nice to see her reaching out, one way or another.

 

“Oh, wrenches, bolts and stuff like that. I'm one of the train engineers! Right now the staff is changing, the previous engineer is leaving and me and a friend are taking his place. It's common, when the lay over happens, the staff changes.” He gave another calming grin. “You're a curious one but thanks for asking. It's not every day I get to explain my job. My boring job that is.” Yet again, the horn blared from the train, this time causing Hinami to scream. Hide again took hold of her shoulders to calm her down.

 

“I don't...think it's a boring job.” Hinami muttered as the silence finally calmed the station.

 

The boy smiled and began his strides towards the stationary locomotive. “It's always great to know that someone appreciates me!” He managed. “It was nice meeting you two, I hope all goes well. And like I said,” He casually walked past Hide, rubbing his shoulder. “the town is great. It's small, but there are things to do. Take a walk down the central road just before you hit the woods! But I wouldn't go in the woods though!” His last sentence was drowned out by yet another cry of the train horn over head.

 

Hide and Hinami found themselves waving back near seconds before they headed inside the station. It was then Hide quickly rushed to the bathroom where Hinami waited just outside the door. He'd suddenly fallen sick and made way to the toilet where he began to vomit what little he has in his system.

 

After that, he flushed, exited the stall and made way to the sink where he freshened up. Gazing at himself in the mirror, Hide grunted. He looked like a tired, hungry mess. That engineer boy was most likely taken back by his appearance.

 

Sighing, Hide splashed some water on his face and exited the bathroom. Hinami still stood there, tired by now, swaying bath and forth. She nearly lost her footing before Hide grabbed hold of her. As tired as she was, she clamped on to his hand, holding on as the two made way down the partially empty corridor of the train station.

 

Along the hallways were little shop window, and restaurants that had just opened up to serve the new wave of customers. Hide spotted a little cafe and quickly, squeezing Hinami's hand, headed in that direction. He rather sluggishly walked up to the front desk where he ordered two ice coffees. The woman standing there was quick to complete their order. Hide paid and took the two cups, releasing Hinami's hand and giving her a drink. Within seconds the two were refueled and energized with the sweet taste of caffeine.

 

“Would you like to head out? Maybe for a bit?” Hide had thrown both his cup and Hinami's away after they'd finished.

 

“That would be fun.” Stretching, Hinami replied with a smile.

 

OoOoOoOoOo

 

The two found themselves walking along a rather solitary dirt road.

 

Lined on either side of the road were tall, large trees, with needle like leaves. Every so often, the trees bent against the wind's breeze like feeble blades of grass, almost as if their strength meant nothing at that moment. Hinami, as she held on to Hide's hand, couldn't help but look up at them, and their faltering attempts to regain their strength from the wind.

 

By now, the sun had hidden itself behind the trees, leaving nothing but a twilight to light their path. The two had been out for a while, peeking their heads into the small shops of the village and greeting bystanders as they passed. Now, both Hide and Hinami found their journey leading them down a quite suspicious dirt path. It wasn't too far away from the station and the two could easily get back before the train left for the night.

 

As the they continued their silent walk down the dirt road, Hide began to feel a little uneasy. His grip on Hinami's hand loosened and his strides became slower and slower until he came to a halt. Concerned, Hinami was by his side as quickly as he'd stopped.

 

“Is everything okay? Maybe we should go back?” She suggested, pulling Hide's hand.

 

“I'm fine.” Hide itched the back of his head and rather seldom placed a hand on his stomach. “It's not the baby...it's just, it's just...I don't know. But I'm fine! We should keep on going...” Hide knew that Hinami really enjoyed things like this. Going outside, and venturing were things she couldn't do in the city for obvious reasons. Now that she had the chance, Hide wasn't going to take that away from her.

 

 

“Let's keep on Hinami, come on.” Hide held his hand out and slowly, Hinami took hold of it. The two continued their walk down the dirt road until they met an entrance of large trees and thick, tall grass. Hide halted the two for a few seconds and looked on a head. He had an uneasy feeling, but assumed that it had to do with the baby acting up.

 

“It's a forest.” Hinami stated quietly, looking up at Hide for clarification.

 

“Yes...yes it is.” Hide confirmed.

 

“I've never been to a forest before...sometimes, big brother reads about them , to me. He says forests are magical, and have reindeer and rabbits and all sorts of things.” She sounded rather excited, caught within her own magical trance.

“Ah...yeah Kaneki usually read fantasy growing up.” Hide added, remembering the times he'd see his friend with some type of wizard book in his hands. “Now he's much more into horror I guess...”

 

“Maybe he'll read to her?” Hinami suggested, motioning towards Hide's stomach.

 

“Yeah...maybe. But not horror books.” Hide giggled, rubbing his stomach even more. “Just something simple you know?” Quite automatically, the two took their first few steps towards the forest. Within seconds, they'd crossed the invisible threshold separating the wilderness from civilization but they didn't mind. Hide himself knew little tricks to finding a way out of the forest if of course, they were lost.

 

For a few minutes, the two walked in silence, getting deeper and deeper into the woods. During the duration of that short time, Hinami had spotted a deer and a rabbit. This caused her to grow more and more curious and excited with the area, as she and Hide walked further away from the train station.

 

Hide soon became occupied with his baby moving that he had to stop and catch his breath. He was unaware that Hinami had frozen in place a few feet in front of him, like a statute staring a head. With her nose twitching and her eyes wide with horror, she took a few nervous steps back. It was then that Hide realized something was wrong, as she bumped into him, shivering like a frightened animal.

 

“Hinami...is everything okay...” Hide asked, but his question was answered before Hinami had a chance to open her mouth. Through the dark spaces hidden between the trees, and bushes, red orbs were as visible as illuminated blood. Hide saw the way their eyelids closed upon themselves and opened just as fast; he could hear them breathing and snarling, as if they were ready to attack.

 

_Ghouls..._ Hide concluded, reaching out his hand to grab Hinami's.

 

She gripped his fingers like her life depended on it, yet , Hide knew that her act of fear would do no good. She was just as weak as Hide, if not weaker, they were both weak. They had both taken a dangerous step and now here they were to pay for it.

 

_Kaneki...what will he think if we die here...he won't know where we are...he'll blame himself...._

 

The first ghoul took the first lunge from the tree towards the duo. All Hide could do was close his eyes and hug Hinami close.

 

He couldn't believe it was going to end there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliff hanger, like I said! I've taken a short hiatus from this story, but I'll try to get back to updating. Also, they didn't hear that they weren't supposed to go in the woods. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please tell me what you think, I'd like to know! And please check out my new story Must be the Nargles, and Rose, which was updated a while ago. It would mean a lot if you guys read those to me and left your feed back. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate the kudos, but feedback also helps me!
> 
> But enjoy your day, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I'm hoping you guys like this chapter! Sorry if there are any mistakes, I edited this chapter like a gazillion times, lol. It's quite important, and though the engineer or the new introduced character won't show back up for a while, they are important. So please tell me what you think!

.

Hide lost his footing when Hinami pushed him back.

 

He jolted, falling over, allowing the branches and leaves to cushion his fall. He grimaced in pain for a short time before looking up ahead. Hinami still remained in front of him, standing her ground as a hungry ghoul came flying towards her. Hide stood, prepared to scream or even attempt to pull her out of the way. But he knew he'd be too slow, his words wouldn't reach her in time; she'd be dead before Hide could mutter a word.

 

_Why didn't she move? Why did she just push me down? Does she want to die?_ His worse fears filled every inch of his body. He couldn't fathom the fact that in a second, Hinami would be gone, all because of his foolishness. In that instant, he'd regretted everything. This whole trip, this whole discovery,  _everything..._ It wasn't worth it. Not for his life, not for his baby's and certainly, not Hinami's. 

 

As the ghoul grew closer, Hide lunged forward preparing to grab Hinami. However, he stopped in his tracks, witnessing Hiami's shirt rip to shreds from the back down near her tail bone, and then towards the top near her shoulder blades. Two large wings sprouted from her back followed by a pair of long, spiky appendages. The appendages instantly impaled the ghoul charging towards them, rendering him immobile within seconds.

 

_She's a ghoul Hide...don't forget...and she has a hybrid kagune...amazing...._ Hide gazed up as another ghoul nervously charged towards her. Hinami squeaked and faltered, as this one was bigger and stronger. He was fast coming upon Hinami, but she still managed to attack. Hide continued to stare in awe, completely entranced by her strength, and kagune.

 

_She's a koukaku and a rinkaku...her parents...I think I remember their file? Does this make her...the 'Daughter Ghoul' who escaped...? Even for a kid , she truly is..._

 

At that moment, a series of things began to happen.

 

Hide's thought process halted as he felt the same prickling, thorn like pain in his stomach from days before. Looking on ahead, he realized that there was ghoul blood everywhere...there was even some covering him and he hadn't yet noticed until then. Hinami was covered in it as well, panting, and still fighting as hard as she possibly could. Hide wanted to help her, but his pain started to become unbearable. He knew his baby smelled the blood, and that had waken her from her peaceful sleep. She began to scratch, twist and turn inside of Hide's belly, pressing towards the surface attempting to rip her way out.

 

Hide found himself lying in a fetal position, grabbing his abdomen and attempting to calm her and sooth her. But his efforts were not working. He could feel her little feet, hands and nails scratching, he could practically hear her crying...this was going to be bad. Eventually, his vision began to blur as the pain grew. He noticed Hinami was fighting and killing one ghoul at a time the best ways she could and by now, she was growing tired. She was backing up, on the verge of falling over. Hide knew she couldn't last for long...no matter how large her kagune was. By the way she stood, and held herself, Hide could tell she was no an experienced fighter. She was waving her kagune in various places, hoping to hit a ghoul. Luck had been on her side for most of the battle, and Hide knew it was running out.

 

As Hide rested his cloudy head upon the better part of the ground, his vision caught an Ukaku heading towards Hinami at a firing speed. Its spikes hit her first, causing her to retract her kagune. Next, not only it came from her side, but another one from the opposite direction, both preparing to rip her in half. At that moment, biting back any pain he had, Hide forced himself to his feet and lunged unsteadily towards Hinami. He made contact with her, and her wing like kagune, pushing her to the ground. Even with such a kagune, she was unaware that the other ghouls were preparing to attack her. The two both fell down on the prickling dirt completely disoriented. Hinami's kagune flew all over the place, missing the two ghouls who rerouted their attack. Instinctively, Hide crawled on top of Hinami as their enemies lunged towards them.

 

Hide prepared for the pain, he prepared for his death...perhaps, he could give Hinami a chance to escape after this. He'd have to yell at her to leave, but it would be worth it in the end. He shut his eyes, and squeezed Hinami tightly, preparing to die however something else happened, something Hide had not expected. There was blood shed, a lot of it; Hide heard limbs ripping, bones crunching and frantic screams. He felt warm liquid fall upon him, yet at the same time, not a single scratch plagued his body. Quickly opening his eyes, Hide sat up and looked around the small secluded forest area.

 

Hide nearly gasped in horror at the image before him.

 

There were still green trees, green plants, and green leaves, but there had been another edition to the scenery. Where there were, seconds before grass and leaves, now lay countless, disheveled and decapitated bodies...ghoul bodies. Blood stained their cadavers and their clothes; the branches that had broken from their falls were scattered about. Hide could hear something running through the hidden trees. It dropped arms, legs fingers and hands from its elevated position in the trees; Hide began to feel sick. Everything was dark, his vision at that time, wasn't the best, but he wasn't blind to what was happening.

 

Something resided in the woods with the two of them that night, killing the predatory ghouls off one by one, ripping them to shreds like thin paper. At that moment, Hinami sat up, with her kagune drawn back. She too stared in horror at the blood shed, nearing closer and closer to Hide. He could feel her shivering, clinging on to him light a frightened puppy. If Hide was more aware, he would have covered her eyes, but too many things were happening at that moment. The pain...the ghouls...

 

“H...Hide...l...look...up...” Hinami's ice cold voice broke through Hide's painful train of thought. He saw the little ghoul pointing ahead, towards one of the tallest trees. On one of the highest branches, a figure sat, dimly illuminated by the moon. It knelt down on the wooden branch, perched like and owl, with an object in its hand, a dripping object. Hide, coming back to terms with reality as his pain began to dull away, realized the strange figure was holing a head it its hand, extended above itself, allowing the blood to drip on its face. Whatever it was was pale, with white skin illuminated in the moon light. From the angle it sat at, Hide could make out blue hair, slightly covering a blaring, red kakugan. Another, unmistakable feature the two noticed that he, or she was completely nude. It was dark out, so the better part of the ghoul's body was shadowed, but it was evident that it lacked any clothes. It allowed the blood to fall on its pale skin as it ate and drank.

 

Both Hide and Hinami sat there paralyzed upon the forest floor, clinging on to each other like their lives depended on it. The ghoul from its place, dropped a clean skull against the forest floor, allowing it to join the rest of the decapitated body parts. Wiping its mouth slowly, it shifted positions so that it was looking down at Hinami and Hide. The angle in which it sat at, revealed one red kakugan blaring at the two. However, from what Hinami and Hide could see, the other eye looked completely normal; a human eye it seemed like.

 

It was a half ghoul.

 

Still, this didn't make it any less threatening nor frightening. Hinami and Hide were aware that it had killed off the ghouls that were attacking them, however, that didn't mean it had come to rescue them. There was a possibility that it too was just a hungry ghoul, looking for easy prey. It would not have any qualms eating Hide nor Hinami if that was the case. 

 

“Hide...Hide...” Hinami grabbed his arm. “It's...it's looking at us...it's...”

 

“I know Hinami.” Hide attempted to sound less and less terrified but there was an obvious tremble in his voice. “I know...” He repeated over and over again. “We...just need to...”

 

“Go.” The soft, quiet voice came from the highest tree branch, cutting Hide off. “Your train may leave without you. So go, and hurry.” The ghoul blinked over and over again, curiously. It seemed as innocent as a child, though it bore an expression covered in blood. It watched as Hinami and Hide both stood and took a few steps back. “There are no more ghouls in the forest.” It added quietly. “You should go now.”

 

Hinami and Hide turned and ran.

 

They didn't question who the ghoul was or where it came from. They didn't look back, they didn't attempt to make sure that they were going in the right direction. They simply ran in fear until they left the wooded area. Hinami held on to Hide's hand, dragging him along, realizing that he was still in pain. Every so often, the two of them had to rest, mainly for Hide's sake, but eventually, they made it to the station.

 

The engineer boy was no where to be seen, but he wasn't their concern. The two boarded the train promptly and made it back to their seats. Hide was the first to sit, placing his hands upon his stomach. The baby was going crazy, moving and thrashing. She was hungry, pushing at Hide's insides attempting to tear out. Hinami witnessed the horror and naturally, tried to comfort Hide by rubbing his stomach. 

 

This didn't work however.

 

At that point, Hide was practically biting his lip hard enough for small droplets of blood to fall. He took heavy breaths in small attempts to calm his pain, but nothing seemed to work. His baby was doing all sorts of things inside of him, making it impossible for him to even think straight.

 

As the train moved, Hide rested his head back into his seat and closed his eyes. Perhaps if he waited, she'd go to sleep....but in order for that to happen, she'd need food. Food that was fit for her, and at the moment, Hide couldn't supply her with that.

 

With his eyes shut and his breaths sharp, he was unaware of the food cart rolling by down the train aisle. It had been about ten or fifteen minutes since the train parted from station, so around this time, it was normal for a chef to come by and offer food. But Hide was in too much pain to notice his appearance.

 

“Good afternoon sir...and ma'am. You two look famished...” He spoke softly, causing Hide to crack an eye open. “Why not have a coffee? Your ticket covers dining prices.”

 

“Coffee?” Hide muttered quietly. “May...may I?”

 

“Sure, here you are.” The chef rummaged through the cart and finally handed Hide a cold cup of coffee. “It's warm out there, so ice coffee would be best....and for the girl...is she your daughter? Maybe I should give her juice—“

 

“Coffee for her too please.” Hide nearly snapped, viciously drinking his own coffee. The drink itself was bitter and flavorless. Normally, he would not have liked drinking this type of coffee, but at the moment, it tasted like the best drink in the world. All at once, the pain in his belly subsided, and he felt like he had control of his own body again. He was refreshed and more energetic, Hinami was as well after drinking her cup. The chef, noticing his results, parked his cart in the aisle and sat down in the seats opposite to the two so that he was staring right at them. “I'm guessing you're feeling better then?” He asked. “Both of you?”

 

“Yeah, thank you...” Hide replied, slightly weary. It was odd enough this chef came out of nowhere with coffee, it was even more odd, seeing as he made the coffee without sugar. He didn't seem very threatening nor suspicious however. Perhaps Hide was over thinking. He was short, with shaggy collar length blue hair, big green eyes, glasses, and a very feminine appearance. Over all, his skin was pale. He also wore a casual blouse and slacks. He didn't seem like a threat, but Hide was still on guard.

 

“You've come all the way from Tokyo? I ask this because there are a number of people coming from Tokyo. I am assuming you are from that group?” He cocked his head and smiled.

 

“Uh...yeah...” Hide laughed, feeling unsure of himself.

 

“Tokyo is a nice place. I haven't been back for a while however....” He drifted. “But I guess we all have reasons for leaving...do you and your daughter have a specific reason?”

 

“Oh, she's not my daughter!” Hide corrected. “She's...we're friends.”

 

“I see. My bad, you two are extremely young. Silly me!” The boy laughed and itched his hair. He had to be no older than Hide....younger perhaps.

 

“That's fine.” Hide replied. “It's a common mistake.”

 

“I understand. See, I have a son, a baby actually...so I guess I assumed....Even though you are young...” He drifted off and shook his head.

 

“You're just a kid!.” Hinami squeaked. “You already have a baby?” _Like Hide will..._ She wanted to say, and Hide could tell. However, she held her tongue and waited for the chef to explain.

 

“Ah...it's a long story...I guess I am just a kid...Things happen though...” He fidgeted nervously in his seat and shrugged. For a second he kept to himself, as if he was deep in thought. Hide caught his eye of confusion and decided to intervene.

“Is your partner aware?” This question was mainly sparked from Hide's own situation with Kaneki. It was strange, yet uplifting to see someone so young as a parent.

 

“Oh! Um, no he is not aware...he and I...something happened between us. It's best if he does not know. But I'm not affected by it in anyway!” He chuckled. “My, you two are full of questions...But,” He turned towards Hinami. “Just because I am a kid doesn't mean I can't have a baby, it's all about the support you have...” He went on and Hide continued to stare at him. He bore a strange resemblance to someone Hide had met before, recently before this. The eyes, the glasses, the hair...

 

“Do you have a sister? Named Aki? She has...there is a little girl..” Hide realized the look of confusion on the boys face. “Never mind...sorry...”

 

“Yes, I have a sister named Aki! She is my younger sister. She's currently watching the little girl. You have met her I assume? That is nice. She tends to visit libraries!”

 

Hide's mouth opened momentarily as he prepared to ask a series of questions. But the boy stood. “I enjoyed speaking to the two of you! I think however, I have gotten off track...I will talk to you two later if I can perhaps?” Hide wanted to grab at him, to sit him down, but the chef had already grabbed the handle of his cart. “Good bye you two! And I think from now on, it would benefit you to stay out of dangerous areas...such as the woods...you don't know what's out to get you.”

 

By the time he'd walked off, Hinami and Hide were as confused as ever. Hinami was more impressed than confused however, at the idea that someone so young could raise a child by himself (for the most part). Hide hadn't heard the majority of their conversation, but he assumed it had to be interesting for Hinami to still be talking about it.

 

Hide himself felt utterly confused.

 

_The girl in the library, Aki...and this chef, are related? They're siblings, and both half ghouls...they both...he knows who we are? He has too know...he was just playing dumb. This whole conversation was a set up. Did she tell him? Is Aki sending people after us to watch us...the chef, that was him in the woods? Who ate the other ghouls...he saved us, but still...who are they? Who did we get mixed up with?_

 

Hide had so many unanswered questions...he didn't know whether to be thankful or frightened. He had no idea what he had gotten himself into but at that moment, it wasn't like he could do anything. He felt stupid for walking right into a trap. Even more so, for bringing Hinami into this with him. But all he could do now was wait. He had to wait until he met Sora in order to see what she had in store for him.

 

Was she a friend? Or was she a foe?

 

Was that girl, Aki, he'd met in the library attempting to bring he and Hinami into a dangerous situation...had they really met by chance?

 

Hinami was still rambling about the chef and how he'd smelled strange, though she was very curious about him. 

 

“He's like you!” She had squealed, breaking Hide's concentration. “Except you have big brother to help you...and I don't think big brother will ever leave you...or my little sister.” Closing her eyes, Hinami rested her ear on Hide's stomach. In silence she listened to the little being inside.

 

“Yeah...” Hide forced a wide smile. “I don't think Kaneki is ever going to leave me...” That sentence held a lot more truth in it than Hide had wanted it too. Though Hide didn't have much time, nor energy to focus on it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! *cry, right now I'm at my school orientation! It's going to be my first semester at college so I'm happy. Sadly, this place is nine hours away from home but it's very pretty! I love it here......but I'm transfering next year. :/
> 
> Anyway, let's explain the story. First and foremost, you guys should know that there is someone pulling the strings. It's a canon character, not an OC, lolol.
> 
> Also remember the rule! If you are a male ghoul, you can impregnate any gender—like wise, you can be impregnated! It came into play during this chapter when they met the chef! And he's important, but he won't come back until much much later...
> 
> On to more of the story, the run down at least.
> 
> Hide and Hinami were attacked in the forest,  
> they were saved by a half ghoul.  
> The half ghoul was the chef, but Hide put that together. And the chef caught it---Hide wasn't supposed to figure out but he did.  
> Hinami is aware he's a half ghoul because of his smell, but she doesn't know he saved them in the woods.
> 
> Is he a good guy or a bad guy?  
> Was Aki good or bad!??  
> Will Sora be good or bad!???!  
> WHAT ABOUT KANEKI???? HE WILL BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.
> 
> HE will be, so everyone just grab on to the nearest object. And I do ask one thing in advance....please do not be mad at Hinami!   
> Anyway, thanks for reading, please tell me what you think! And oh, if you're curious I've updated Must be the Nargels...heads up, I do character shares in my stories so some OC's you see in here...may be in that story. And you'll know a bit more about them before I introduce them fully in the other story! This applies to this chapter!  
> Anyway, have a wonderful night, brace yourselves for Kaneki in the next chapter!!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here's the thing. I did the outline for this chapter like 20+ times and have lost it every single time. I don't want to write the outline anymore, so I'm just going to write the chapter off of memory, some things may be different, somethings may be the same.

Sometime the next morning, both Hide and Hinami felt the train come to a halt. Jerked out of their sleep, both woke up to see that they had reached their destination. The two stood and stretched as the conductor's voice sounded over the loud speaker, announcing their stop. Various people stood at the   
me time, taking their hand held luggage and carry on bags. In a large sea of people, the majority exited the train still barely awake from the night before. Hide and Hinami followed, staying close to each other and trying not to trip.

Their senses became a lot more heightened as they exited the train and were hit by a sudden ray of sunlight. Shielding their eyes from the harsh beams, the duo made way to their luggage which were currently being tossed upon the platform by an even more exhausted assistant. Seeing the way the young man carelessly threw large bags upon the hard concrete worried Hide. Sure this gentleman was tired but perhaps he needed to keep in mind that a lot of those bags carried merchandise and important items.

Still quite angry and disgusted, Hide was unaware that Hinami had practically rushed over to the luggage area and taken both of their suitcases, despite the man's protests. She returned to Hide with a tired grin on her face. “I didn't want him to break our things...” She mumbled, receiving a smile from Hide. He took his luggage as Hinami handed it to him and began to walk away from the train. Before he did so however, he took a card from his pocket—the same card Aki had given him—and gazed at the number and address written upon it. It was Sora's, he presumed, just as Aki had said. And though he'd had his qualms and doubts, at that moment, he had no other choice. 

“I'm going to go into the station to call a cab Hinami...you wait out here okay, is that fine?” 

“Sure!” Hinami sang vibrantly, despite the fact that she'd just woken up. 

With a smile forced upon his lips Hide made it into the station where a few steps led him to telephone booth secluded in an area near the men's bathroom. There were tons of people walking from here to there making it harder and harder for Hide to maneuver himself though the crowd. Not to mention all the smells coming from the small cafe's and vending machines made his stomach churn (he supposed this was mainly due to the fact that his baby was growing). Eventually, he reached the booth and shut the door behind him.

Hide heaved a heavy breath before reaching for the phone and taking it off of the hook. He held the card in his free hand and read the number out loud before calling. His breaths were quick as he held the device to his ears, listening as the dial tone rang on.

“Hello?” The calmness of the voice took Hide off guard. 

“Um...hello...is this, is this Sora?”

“This is.” She replied with absolutely no enthusiasm. “I've been waiting for your call. Hide right? I assume you're at the train station? Then I'll send someone to pick you up, okay? Good bye.” 

As quick as she had given the command, she hung up the phone, leaving Hide speechless. He stood there in silence for perhaps ten seconds before leaving the booth to go find Hinami. When he returned to the platform, he first noticed Hinami in the distance still holding their bags. She was unsurprisingly speaking to the engineer from before. They were both smiling and laughing; it seemed that whatever they were talking about made them happy. 

Eventually Hide joined the duo's conversation catching them both off guard. The engineer boy's dull eyes lit up when he saw Hide. Out of habit it seemed like, he removed his hat from his head and itched his light brown hair.

“Hinami was just telling me that you two have reached your final stop?” He mused, crossing his arms.

“Yeah.” Hide muttered while attempting to keep a smile. Given the events that had partaken the day before, he was understandably more aware and not so trusting.

“Well, it was nice having you two on the train.” He gave Hide a kind, almost puppy dog expression causing the blond to feel a bit of warmth in his heart. As much as his mind screamed at him, he found himself smiling at the kindness in the engineer's voice and expression.

“Thank you...we'll be coming back this way hopefully. Then we may be able to see you again?”

“Maybe, maybe not...probably not.” He frowned. “I have some other things to attend to so...I won't be on the railroad anymore. I'm pretty sure Hinami can tell you all about it later.” At that moment, over head, the usual sound of the train could be heard. The horn nearly deafened everyone standing on the platform, but the engineer kept his smile.

“Well...I should get going then. Maybe I'll see you around then?” He placed his hat back on his head and extended a hand for Hide to shake. “Good luck out there.”

Hide took his hand and did indeed shake. “Good luck to you too Mr....”

“Tamotsu, Tamo is okay though.” He grinned. “And you're Hide then? And Hinami...those are nice names.” He gave one final smile as the horn blew louder. “I've gotta get going. It was nice meeting you two. Hopefully I'll see you down the rail road.”

The group exchanged one more round of farewells and then Tamotsu vanished towards the train. Hide stood there feeling a heavy sensation leave him, yet weigh upon him. He felt guilty for not trusting Tamostu...but at the same time, he figured he was being dumb by trusting him.

Shaking his head, Hide turned back towards Hinami. “Let's get going then, Sora is going to send someone to pick us up, so I guess we should wait in the station...”  
OoOoOoOoOoO

Kaneki had been in the same stable position for about an hour now, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. All around the living room sat destroyed furniture, broken dishes and other items that had fallen victim to Kaneki's wrath. However, the damage could not repair the anguish and confusion that Kaneki felt as of present. If anything, his wrath had made things even worse. It was nothing but toxic anger melting away into nothing but draining sorrow...

Hide had left, and he'd taken Hinami with him. There wasn't a note, or anything left describing their departure. He didn't know why Hide had left, or if Hide was going to come back...he didn't know why Hinami had gone either. Did he do something wrong? Kaneki couldn't understand. Everything he had done, was to protect Hide, to keep him safe. And now he'd left.

“Kaneki-kun,” The voice belonged to Shuu, whom had been with Kaneki for the past few days. It came from behind the sofa, as Shuu leaned against the wall. “I understand your distress...perhaps, your friend Hide was not to be trusted?” The flamboyant ghoul took a seat next to Kaneki on the couch, and placed a hand upon his shoulder.

“No...” Kaneki retorted, drawing himself back. . “I...I trust Hide. He has a reason—“

“You said he worked for the CCG correct? Perhaps, Kaneki-kun his intention is to turn in Hinami...to turn in all of us...” Shuu drifted off as Kaneki stood. There was a sickening silence that caused the hairs on the back of Tsukiyama's neck to stand. Just by looking at Kaneki's harsh eyes, he could tell he'd said something that sparked a nerve. 

“Watch what you say. Hide isn't like that.” Though there was a great amount of uncertainty in Kaneki's voice. As much as he didn't want to believe Shuu, he was out of options. Yet still, he wasn't ready to write off Hide just because of a speculation. 

“Do you have another explanation for this then?” The violet haired ghoul stood so that he and Kaneki were facing each other. “I know you cherish Hide as a friend, but perhaps you should stop attempting to make excuses for him. As you're stalling now, he could have already turned Hinami in to the CCG...and he may be leading doves here.” Kaneki's instinct was to turn around and leave the living room. With all that was going on in regards to searching for the manager and the others, and now yet another problem involving both Hide and Hinami, Kaneki wasn't ready to deal with Shuu's bantering. 

He just wanted to be by himself at the moment. Alone to clear his mind and to figure out the next step...all this stress was only building an unnecessary amount of depression. 

“Was Hinami frightened at all?” Shuu called. “Was she nervous before you left...when you came just a few days ago?” Just inches away from crossing the living room threshold, Kaneki froze at the comment recounting memories from that day. He vaguely remembered Hide and the strange way he was acting—it was almost as if he was hiding something. And then...Hinami. She was nervous, frightened almost when speaking to Kaneki. He remembered that she wasn't making out words, and she seemed fidgety. When Kaneki had left the room, Hinami had muttered something to him. At the time he didn't pay much mind, but now, looking bad, he vaguely remembered her apologizing. For what, he didn't know. But now it started to make more sense. 

“Are you starting to ponder now, Kaneki?” Tsukiyama emerged from behind the half ghoul, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Your Hide is not all that he seems.”

Silence resided, prompting Shuu to press on. “Don't you yearn for the days when our troubles were behind us? When we were happy...before—”

“There was never happiness, Tsukiyama.” Kaneki's tone took a sharp turn as he angrily rotated so that he could face Shuu. Tsuiyama only grinned in self satisfaction, priding himself for being able to easily fluster Kaneki.

“Forgive me.” He spoke, placing a hand on his own chest apologetically. “But what move will your next move be, Kaneki? Will you seek your friend out, or will you wait until he returns.”

“You stay here.” Kaneki commanded, brushing past Tsukiyama. “I'll go find Hide and Hinami and bring them back. I need to make sure that they're safe.”

Shuu simply chuckled. “If those are your orders, then I have no objections.”

Kaneki didn't reply. He only headed towards the door and exited the house. Stepping outside, he took a deep breath and inhaled the clear air. His memories were clouded, rendering him confused again. He didn't know what to think, but at the same time, he couldn't underestimate the situation at hand, he couldn't underestimate Hide.

Shuu's reasoning for their disappearance was far fetched but at the moment, Kaneki had absolutely nothing else to go off of. And he knew that Hide was very useful to the CCG; he most likely had files on Hinami and her family. At the same time, he wondered if Hide had held some resentment towards not just him, but all the ghouls Kaneki had encountered. Hide was alone for months and that was because of Kaneki and the others...

So perhaps, he wanted revenge. Perhaps he wanted to make Kaneki hurt.

If that was the case, then Kaneki no doubt sympathized with him yet at the same time, Hide was an enemy. And if Hide was so easily putting Hinami and the rest of the ghouls in danger because of jealousy or some unknown motive, then Kaneki would certainly have to kill him. Until he found him however, he'd have to prepare himself for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide is not betraying them btw, just wanted to clear that up! Forgive me for the lack of update I've just been super busy! Anyway, yaya, they reached Sora and we'll see what she says. I'll try to update soon!  
> Btw! I do have a tumblr account if you want to follow! You can find me @yamiga123.tumblr.com, and I love talking about Tokyo Ghoul! But again! Thanks so much I will udpate soon! Also thank you all so much for the kudos and support! They mean so much to me. Also, I'll be updating Rose and Must be the Nargels soon. And I have another story connected to Rose that I'll be writing soon!
> 
> I LOVE YOU ALL!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for the delay! It’s just that my computer hadn’t been working for a while but it’s working now! So without further adieu , Amaryllis chapter 11. There’s a surprise in this chapter I have to warn you! it’s not bad it’s just “WOW!” If you follow me on tumblr you may have an idea. If not…then…well you’ll find out!!! And wow…this was last updated August 31st … I’ll try and make the updates more frequent.

When the cab halted abruptly in front of the house, both Hinami and Hide woke.

Tired and exhausted from their journey, they were slow to get out of the car. Things seemed to go by in a blur as they hadn’t even realized that the cab driver had taken out their bags and as quick as he’d brought them, he’d left them standing there.

Hide yawned a bit and rubbed his eyes as the scenery finally came into view. Hide hadn’t noticed it when he was in the cab, he was far too tired. But now, somewhat mildly awake, he saw the enormity of the manor that he and Hinami currently stood in front of. It was huge, foreign almost, not like many of the Japanese mansion Hide had seen in magazines or books.  From all the books he’d read and the information he’d gathered from his detective novels, he could infer that the style was strongly based off of a 19th century style Victorian mansion, from England. The neatly carved Gothic exterior and Tudor style was perhaps the biggest give away. Hide had remembered one of the descriptions word from word, from one of his novels taking place in England.

“…It looks like a castle.” Hinami, who now seemed to be awake noted. Hide nodded in silence, still in awe over the large stone manor. He looked around at the surrounding area and first noticed the large trees bending quietly in the wind. Like the manor, they were also foreign to the country—Hide wondered if they’d been imported. In front of the manor, sat a long drive way that was lined with the same large trees. Hide couldn’t see where it ended, all he knew was that it went on, and perhaps there was a gate at the end. He figured there was even more land behind the large manor but he didn’t have enough strength to investigate. As excited as he was, he was still exhausted from their journey.

“I guess…we go up the stairs and knock.” Hide muttered, motioning ahead towards the entrance of the door. It was quite intimidating, with dark painted wood and large metal styled knockers—Hide wasn’t sure if he could even move the knockers. “I’ll carry our suitcases…and….”

Mid-sentence, the large door crept open, rendering Hide silent. Both he and HInami looked ahead and realized that someone had exited the house. Standing there silently, gazing down at them a young girl began her stride down the stair case. She had short, straight red hair, and large green eyes. She wore an attire similar to that of an office woman. Blouse, skirt, stockings…etc….

“You must be Hideyoshi Nagachika, and you must be Hinami Fueguchi. Please follow me…Sora has been waiting for you two.”

OoOoOoOoOo

Kaneki entered the familiar café and found himself seated at a lone table. Instinctively, he took hold of menu and began to read the options without much thought. Eventually his eyes drifted around the cafe, resting on some of the customers. After a few second of scanning, he noticed two whom had caught his interest. Across from him sat a table with two girls. One was maybe a year younger than him, the other was a little girl. Both had white hair and were dressed in similar pink sun dresses. The eldest one wore glasses, and a sun hat to match her dress. She caught Kaneki staring at her but tended back to the little girl who needed help cutting her food. Kaneki looked away and began to read the menu in silence.

_“Idiot._ Now after this long, you’ve decided to show up.” The, voice, all too familiar resounded from behind Kaneki. He barely turned in his seat before he saw the flash of purple hair now standing in his view.

“Touka…It’s been a while.” Kaneki retorted with a grin. “Too long.” The young ghoul smiled while moving some hair from her face. Now both her eyes were showing as she retained that normal smile.

“I thought you’d never come back around…” Taking a seat, Touka sat down across from Kaneki.

“I was worried I wouldn’t find you here…after everything that’s happened.”

“Yeah…” Touka shrugged. “It’s been tough but we’ve managed.”

Kaneki smiled. “That’s good.”

OoOoOoOoO

Both Hide and Hinami watched in silence as the young girl carried their suitcases down a large hallway. With ease, she held the heavy luggage as if they were nothing. Hide speculated that she was either a strong young girl, or something else.

“Um…” He called, prompting her to pause.  She turned around and faced the duo with a casual smile on her face.

“Yes.” She replied. “Is there something wrong?”

Hide itched the back of his head as he began rather nervously. “Um, do you need any help? Those are kind of heavy.”

“Ah thanks!” She replied. “But I’m fine! These aren’t heavy at all…besides, Sora’s door is right ahead!” Hide hadn’t even noticed how far they’d walked until the young redhead stopped in front of a large wooden door at the end of the hallway.

She placed the cases down and knocked on the door. From the other side, there was a stir followed by a cough and a scuff of a chair.

“Come in!” A female called.

The girl opened the door and held it open for both Hide and Hinami. With a smile she motioned for the two to enter. “Sora awaits you. I’ll take your bags!”

She scurried away with both suitcases leaving both Hide and Hinami in the doorway. The two currently stood within the threshold of a large office room. Hide imagined this room belonging in one of those large sky scraper buildings in the heart of Tokyo. When you looked out of the glass window, you received a view of the whole city underneath.

But no, this was different. A large room stuck in a manor out in the middle of nowhere. For the most part, the room was empty and barren save for a large desk in the center and a couple of chairs in front of it.  It was wooden with stacks and stacks of paper upon it, and a light that hadn’t been turned on.

Behind all of that, Hide realized there was small crown of shiny red hair. He figured said red head was sitting as he hadn’t seen their full length. Regardless of how tall they were, Hide already knew who it was.

“Forgive the mess, I really didn’t have time to prepare for you.” The feminine voice yelled from behind the desk. “But it’s nice to see that you’ve made it here in one piece.” The young lady pushed her chair away and stood so that the duo could see her.  In her full length she wasn’t very tall (she wore heels but Hide could tell that she was naturally short) though her height betrayed the authority she gave off. She had a bored yet hard expression and Hide could tell.

She wore a red blouse and a black business skirt. Her hair was also a bright red color, twisted into a messy bun. She had hard hazel eyes giving her a frightening glare. However, her smile was sweet and sincere as she continued to approach her guests.

“I hope your journey was pleasant. I’ve been expecting you.” She stopped in front of Hide and Hinami and extended her hand. “Though you may already know, my name is Sora Hinode, however Sora will be fine.”

She shook both of their hands.

“We have a lot to discuss.” She spoke slowly. “But, I’m pretty sure you two are tired. So I won’t keep you for long.” Sora walked past them and made way to open the door. “I trust you’ve already met my assistant Mika. She’ll lead you to your room.”

Hide could have hugged Sora at that moment. He was tired, and all he wanted to do was fall asleep (he was quite certain Hinami felt the same way). But yet, he had a prickling feeling in the back of his chest. He knew what he was there for, and while the journey had been long and tiresome, he still needed to talk to Sora.

“Um…Miss Sora…?” He stopped her on the way out of the door. “May I speak to you later on? Maybe after we’re settled?”

“Yes Hide. That would be fine, and just ‘Sora’ is fine.”

OoOoOoOo

“They seem like new customers, over there…well, I wouldn’t expect someone like them to be here.” Kaneki motioned towards the two girls at the table next to them.

“Yeah.” Toukaa responded. “I was surprised to see them here for the first time…especially dressed like that. You’d think they’d find pleasure at a more upscale café…but they’re actually regular customers.” She pointed. “The teenage girl with the white hair is named Aki, the girl next to her is Rose. Aki is Rose’s caretaker and she watches her for her friend.”

“Oh…” Kaneki remained silent as he observed the two interact. Both girls looked so happy and at peace…yet at the same time there was a striking familiarity that he couldn’t quite understand. Something about the Aki girl…it seemed as if he’d met her before.

“So…I know you’re here for Mr. Yomo but I’d love it if you could tell me what’s going on. How is Hide?”

Kaneki remained silent for a while before looking Touka in the eyes. “Hide…is…” He sighed. “Hinami came a while ago.”

“Really? She’s okay then…I was worried. Is she okay?”

“Yes…no….ugh…Hide…he took her somewhere….and I don’t know…”

“What do you mean?” Touka stammered. There was an evident change of tone in her voice but her face remained still. “That doesn’t make any sense. He didn’t tell you that he was leaving?”

“I don’t allow Hide to leave the house, Touka.” His voice was stern and harsh, causing Touka to raise an eyebrow of concern. She didn’t say anything, she only stared on, beckoning Kaneki to continue.

“I met Tsukiyama again recently…and he pointed something out that I have been blind to ever since I took Hide in.”

“Which is…?” Touka was annoyed. The mere mention of Tsukiyama was enough to upset her.

“Hide is a former CCG investigator and if you recall, the CCG had been looking for Hinami. There’s a high possibility that Hide is taking her to the CCG. Perhaps he’s tricking her or something, but I’ve underestimated Hide far too long.”

“What the hell are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Hide is an enemy and should be perceived that way. He has Hinami I know, and I’m attempting to find him…and when I find him…I’ll kill him.”

It was at that moment, the girl Aki stood. She held her hand out for Rose and the little girl grabbed it. Aki took out her phone and dialed a number. Casually, with a smile on her face she left. Kaneki was slightly curious but didn’t have time to ponder on it.

Touka had suddenly stood at that moment, allowing her chair to rattle as she did so. “You’d listen to that bastard? You’d give up all hope in Hide because of something that trash said?”

“I have no other—”

“You’d really contemplate on killing Hide….? Idiot! You know Hide has a reason for doing things, he always has a logical explanation and you know he’d never betray you…”

“Touka..”

“You know, maybe he got tired of you keeping him caged like a rat. Maybe he took Hinami with him to keep her safe from a possessive freak like you!”

Kaneki remained quiet for a few seconds and only gazed into Touka’s eyes. He took a deep breath and beckoned himself to speak. “He’s still suspicious Touka—and I have to take Tsukiyama’s word. It’s hard for you to understand—”

Touka’s hand came firing across the table, threatening to make contact with Kaneki’s cheek. However, the impact was halted as another grabbed Touka’s before she could inflict the attack. Both turned their gaze towards the man standing behind Touka, currently holding her hand.

Unsparingly, it was Yomo. He bore the same, uncaring expression as Kaneki remembered.

“You needed me, Ken?” He addressed and at that moment, Touka tore her hand away.

“Yes.” Kaneki responded.

The purple haired ghoul made her way to kitchen, not bothering to say a word to Kaneki. He felt bad, guilty almost; he wanted to apologize yet at the same time he doubted she’d understand.

OoOoOoOoO

When the two were led to their rooms, Hinami fell asleep almost instantly. She’d been talking to the girl, Mika, for quite some time now and she offered to stay in the room with Hinami. Hide had announced that he’d be gone for a while to talk to Sora.

He made it to her office in a matter of minutes only waiting for her permission to enter the room. When he heard her soft voice, he walked through the threshold and sat across her desk in one of the spare chairs.  She slowly moved her computer out of the way so the two were facing each other.

“I would have thought you’d fallen asleep by now.”

“I’m not tired.” He lied, laughing slightly. “I just…I just wanted to…get to know you before the whole procedure…I’m…still…”

“Ah, I see.” Sora smiled. “I can assure you the whole procedure will go quite smoothly. There are a few tests I can skip, seeing as you’re pretty much visibly pregnant. Though I doubt you’ll get that big. Maybe you’ll grow a few more inches and that will be it.”

Hide moved in an uncomfortable manner and sighed. “I…I um…how….how do you know about this…or the procedure, or anything? If you don’t mind asking? You seem really young, so I wonder…” He drifted off seeing a change in the redhead’s eyes.

“I’m sorry if I’ve…I don’t mean to be rude.”

“Rude? You’re not being rude! You’re just being curious!” She giggled. “I’m not that old at all actually. Only seventeen you see.”

“You own all of this? This whole estate? You don’t have a family?” Hide was shocked. He’d seen young people make such large accomplishments, but Sora was different. She seemed to be pulling the strings, and she seemed to have the utmost authority.

“Well, yes and no. Originally, if you can tell from my features…I’m not from here. I was born in Germany, and moved to England…I came here when I was five. My family was wiped out leaving me in the care of my elder brother…to skip such a long story, my brother has passed all his estates and business in Japan on to me. He is currently in London, managing his position as a Minister in the House of Lords…and I suppose this brings me to answer your next question…”

By this time, Hide was shocked. All of that information was hefty to take in, but he listened on.

“How do I know all about….what you’re going through you ask? Upon being left parentless, my brother and I were taken into Aogiri for a few years, and had unfortunate run-ins with that blasted Kanou Akihiro man…but before we escaped we were able to take a handful of his information. We didn’t have any use for it until now. From what we learned, ghouls have the ability to impregnate humans and other ghouls despite the sex, but it takes work—it can’t just spontaneously happen. However, Kanou wanted to recreate this experiment with half ghouls so…” She got up and began to walk around her office. “Two investigators during the Antieku raid were taken and turned into half ghouls for the purpose of that experiment, at the same time, for the purpose of reproduction…”

_Seidou and Amon? Is that who she is talking about?_ Hide wondered, not knowing that his question would be answered soon after.

“A friend of mine, Aki, made contact with one half ghoul investigator named Seidou Takizawa. He was experimented on in an Aogiri base and made to carry the child of a ghoul there….”

“And Amon?” Hide didn’t want to get too hasty, but just hearing that his friends were possibly alive was enough to give him hope.

“Amon Koutarou, still half ghouled, was rescued before Akihiro attempted the reproduction experiments on him. _However,_ my brother had rescued him and I guess you can say…things “kicked off” from there, between the two.” She giggled. “Despite the fact that the reproduction experiments weren’t done on Amon…a sexual intercourse between a half ghoul and a full ghoul can result in a pregnancy _and_ it did…and that’s why I have a nephew.” She smiled and motioned towards her desk, where there was no doubt a picture of a small red headed child. “His name is Kodah….and he is in London as well.”

She sat down on the edge of her desk and continued. “However Amon is still somewhere in Japan. My brother begged him to come to London with him but he declined, as he still has things to do. But rest assure, Amon and my brother love each other very much!”

“Amon is alive!? And what’s Seidou’s condition.”

“Ah…Seidou is currently a teacher somewhere in the country. He teaches little children. Aki primarily takes his young daughter, Rose, around and outside of the country. They are extremely close friends no doubt, but Seidou would rather his daughter go out and see the world, while he stays away from the city to avoid civilization. He looks like a banshee, I don’t blame him!!”

_Oh…_ Hide wanted to say, but remained silent. Sora continued. “So you must be wondering where your part comes in? As you’re aware, Kaneki was captured by the CCG—during this time, they had somehow obtained Akihiro’s old files. This resulted in them using Kaneki Ken, one of Kanou’s experiments, in an effort to remold Kanou’s idea of half ghoul and human reproduction. When Arima Kishou was still alive…they took some sample DNA from him and used it to somehow “impregnate” Kaneki. This new reproduction project, molded after Dr. Akihiro Kanou’s, was named the “Amaryllis Project”. Moving along, that didn’t work and the experiment failed….but…the experiment was most likely revamped, or resurrected perhaps the first or second time you two had an intercourse.” She took a deep breath. “Which is why you are pregnant right now—because you are carrying a child of the Amaryllis project. From what we know, not including Seidou or Amon’s children, there are two more children produced from the Amaryllis project—you may have indirectly been introduced to one on the train, if the chef spoke to you.”

_The chef was the one who saved us in the woods. He mentioned that he had a son…and that his son and father…_

“You remember him then, he mentioned his son…for the most part I assume he was truthful to you. But he lied about something, though I don’t think we have to cover that now.”

A pregnant silence filled the room as Hide was taking in most of the information. Sora had told him a lot and for the most part, he was thoroughly confused. However, out of all the information thrown at him, the most important thing he’d gathered was what Sora had said about Arima.

“Is he alive, Arima I mean?” He finally asked. “You said something…”

“No, he is not.” Sora crossed her arms and shook her head. “He was killed by the Clowns….”

“The…Clowns? The ghoul organization…why would they…how could they kill Arima? Their motive…is unknown? I thought they were a neutral party.” Hide stared in astonishment and almost fear. To think such a great investigator was taken down by the Clowns.

“There you go, speaking like a dove Hide! The Clowns are anything _but_ neutral, and I’ll be the first to tell you. Taking innocent lives for pleasure, or a sick comedy is far from neutral…that’s evil.”

“But…”

“And I guess I can tell you that the chef you spoke to on the train, Keiichi, who is Aki’s brother… the one I just mentioned, who has a son? Well I suppose he may have told something along the lines of he and his son’s father not getting along? Well…after the Clowns went after Arima, they began to target Arima’s subordinates. Among one the people they targeted was a man named Hirako Take…you may or may not know him.”

Sora got up and began to walk around again, this time faster than before. “The Clowns nearly stabbed him to death right before kidnapping him. The chef you met, Keiichi was injured badly by the Clowns as well, and so was their son.”

“Why are the Clowns going after Arima and his squad members?”

“Beats me…but they’ve kidnapped some and killed others.”

“I….I know who Hirako is. I met him before…but, I didn’t know about his life with Keiichi.” Hide breathed. “Keiichi is a half ghoul, and he saved us in the woods from all those other ghouls. He couldn’t fight off the Clowns?”

“He’s been hunting them down in search of his husband and he’s been killing them mercilessly…he’s a cannibal so he’s beyond powerful. He doesn’t let any of them escape, nor does he leave any traces of them but…that night when the clowns came to his house…they weren’t ordinary Clowns. A ghoul by the name of ‘No Face’ attacked them…and by far, he is the strongest ghoul within the Clown organization. He was easily able to subdue Keiichi.”

 Hide paused, vaguely remembering just how kind the chef was…he would have never guessed he’d gone through all of that. Losing his family had to be difficult, and trying to look for his husband over and over again had to be disheartening.

“And they were able to kill Arima…”

“Yes they were. And there are speculations that they’re also working for Aogiri…meaning that it’s a possibility they’re looking for both Amon and Seidou. However…your friends are much more powerful than average so they’re threats to Aogiri…so the tables have turned.”

“What does that mean?”

“Aogiri and the clowns are coming after you.”

OoOoOoOoOo

Kaneki and Yomo found themselves alone in the upstairs office room.

For minutes, Kaneki had been explaining his story and situation, all the while, Yomo sat and listened. When finally Kaneki was done, there was a small pregnant silence that passed by.

“Is that all?” Yomo asked. “Do you have any more suspicions?”

Kaneki sighed. “I’m aware that this is farfetched but I have reasons to believe that Hide…Hide isn’t just working with any investigator…I think…he’s working with Arima…Arima Kishou.” Kaneki had put some thought into this, given that Hide was quite cunning. During the battle in V14, Arima called Kaneki by his name. The only way anyone could have known is if Hide told them after making the connection.

Yomo quickly shook his head. “Arima is dead, Ken.”

Kaneki felt a dry lump form in his throat. “What…what do you mean, he’s dead? How did he…?” _That’s impossible._

“I take it you haven’t been keeping up with the CCG. The Clowns took Arima, they tortured him and then gave him to me. I killed him.” Yomo repositioned himself on the sofa and smiled. “It felt amazing.” The twisted expression on his face slightly frightened Kaneki. He hadn’t ever known Yomo to be violent…He was aware of the story of Arima and Yomo’s sister Hikari, and he knew Yomo had wanted vengeance in the past but…Kaneki almost felt bad for Arima. He wondered just how humiliated he was during the last few moments of his life. It had to have been awful.

“I wouldn’t be too quick to judge Hide’s motives however.” Yomo spoke. “There can be various reasons as to why he’s gone. You are aware…aren’t you? Hide has betrayed the country for you, he’s given up everything for you…Have faith in him Ken. Seek him out, remain suspicious but trust your heart.”

Kaneki sat silently for a few moments before nodding. He took Yomo’s words into consideration but at the moment, had no time to ponder upon them. He stood and thanked Yomo. “I’ll be going now…” He walked around and crossed Yomo’s desk. It was then he noticed a small, framed picture on the surface. It was a still photograph of a little girl, a baby more so. Her hair was white and her eyes were red, she looked extremely happy.

“It’s my friend’s daughter.” Yomo spoke. “Her name is Hikari…after my sister.”

“That’s kind.” Kaneki spoke before saying his final goodbyes. As he walked down the hallway towards the stair case, he heard a loud noise when passing by one of the bathrooms. He paused for a while, as the sound became more and more clear. There was someone on the other side coughing. A male, no doubt, coughing and gagging. He could also hear vomiting and noises of discomfort. Kaneki wanted to knock on the door but decided against it. He had a journey to go on, and no time could be spared.

OoOoOoOoOo

Sora and Hide had finally finished talking later on that night.

Hide had thanked Sora for everything and had of course told her ‘good-night’. He was seconds away from going back to his room with Hinami until Sora took hold of his shoulder. “I forgot to tell you Hide, during our talk, that Aki called me. She wanted me to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Hide asked.

“She, and I, advise that you stay away from Kaneki for now. For reasons unknown to us, he’s looking for you.”

“He knows I’m gone?!” Hide nearly lost his footing. “H…How?”

“That’s not the worst part Hide.”

_How could anything be worse than this?_

“Kaneki means to find you and kill you.”

Hide felt his skin pale.

oOoOoOoOoOo

That night, Yomo found himself standing outside at the back of the shop.

He was looking out into the dark woods, not waiting for anything in particular. Perhaps he’d grab a cup of coffee before going to bed, though the caffeine would probably keep him up.

“Mr. Yomo….” A sing song voice, nearly quieter than the wind sounded behind Yomo. Following, two arms wrapped around him from behind, pulling him into a backward embrace. The owner of the voice was smaller, and a lot less muscular, which was understandable given all he’d been through. But he still seemed as enthusiastic as ever.

“Kishou…” He replied quietly, addressing Arima who was currently holding him from behind. “What is it?”

“Hikari wants to play with you…she won’t go to bed. And I can’t entertain her any longer….I’ve been vomiting all day.”

Yomo turned around and quickly pulled Arima into a hug. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not healthy for you—” Both his eyes and voice were full of concern. Just imagining the health issues that Arima would face after this ordeal frightened Yomo.

“I went through it for Hikari…he’ll be no different.” Arima whispered silently. “Also…I heard that Mr. Kaneki came to visit…I heard that you lied about me.” The former investigator smiled against Yomo’s chest.

“I’m trying to keep you safe and you know that. Now go upstairs and go to bed—I’ll be up in a few minutes. And I’ll make sure Hikari goes to bed.” He kissed Arima on the forehead before releasing him. “And don’t delve into this….it will only stress you out.”

Arima mumbled something inaudible before going back inside to go to bed. Yomo soon followed after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG. This is a long chapter and it had a lot of information. Normally, I’d put an explanation at the end but I’m tired and I plan to proofread and publish before the night ends…I know this chapter was a lot to grasp, lol…but I mean, it’s connected and it makes sense or it will later. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask!  
> Also, this OC, Sora’s assistant named Mika belongs to tumblr user uls-tear! They gave me permission to use their OC and I was happy to do so, so I hope you guys liked her too! She’ll probably make more appearances!  
> Also, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. To be honest, I didn’t really want to update because well, last time I updated it seemed like people just stopped reading the chapters and didn’t care. I was really let down by it. So it’s taken me a while to gain enough confidence to update again lol. So after I update this chapter, I’m going to see if I’ll continue it. Anyway, thank you for everyone who’s left kind messages, and who read, and who encouraged me to make it this far. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Hide could still feel the fear radiating through every fiber of his being. Sitting in the same area for an hour, as Sora set up her machine to perform the ultra sound, Hide attempted to shed some light on his current situation.

But with both Aogiri and the Clowns coming after him, as well as Kaneki himself, he wasn’t sure how he’d make it out of this alive. In addition to carrying around a baby and Hinami as well. His biggest fear was that he’d have to run away, perhaps move to another country and care for both HInami and his baby as his own. There would be no Kaneki, no ghouls, no Aogiri—perhaps Sora would help him.

Yet, he wasn’t entirely sure if he could trust her or not.

And even if he could trust her, how could he be sure that he would make it out of this alive? Kaneki wasn’t really the weakest ghoul—and if he wanted to kill something, or someone, he would certainly do it. All the months of Kaneki going after his victims, Hide had feared for them. And now he was in “their” position. And if Kaneki didn’t get him, well, there was always the Clowns and Aogiri (they’d been pretty successful killing and kidnapping everyone else).

“Mr. Hide! Everything is ready. You can come in now.” Sora called from the current room Hide was waiting outside of. Her voice knocked Hide out of his stiffening fear, prompting him to stand. He didn’t really say anything as he walked through the threshold. 

“You seem pale…is everything okay?”

“I just haven’t eaten! I’m fine, thank you.” Hide lied, taking a deep breath as he walked towards the bed. The set up in the room was quite normal. A white hospital room, with a bed, wires and of course the machine used to monitor the baby. Hide had read about rooms like this in his horror mystery novels, though such rooms and contraptions would be used for torture and thus. Hide tried not to think of that however, given a ghoul was going to be his doctor.

“Well after this, you can eat all you want. Though, I’m not sure what you like…so you should tell me…” She went on as she led him towards the bed. “All you have to do now, is lay down.”

For a few seconds, Hide awkwardly stood before crawling upon the bed. As he was told, he turned around and rested his body, looking up at the light shining over head. Sora dimmed it slightly before vanishing for a few seconds. When she returned, she had other materials with her (and she wore gloves).

“This won’t be as odd as it seems—trust me. I’m just going to lift up your shirt slightly, and place a cold gel like material on it, and then I’m going to get started with the procedure! You’ll figure out your baby’s sex also.”

Hide was actually excited about that. “What do you think…it will be?” The question came out abruptly, and quite out of the blue. “While working for the CCG, I learned that ghouls could smell the sex of unborn babies. So you have to have a clue at least.” Hide continued.

Sora chuckled. “They teach you a lot at the CCG. You’re correct, we can tell long before the baby is born. But your child is technically not a full ghoul nor human, so that makes it harder. Instead of smelling the sex, my nose is trying to smell the species.”

“I see, I never knew that.”

“Well, we both learned something new today.” Sora had already applied the gel to Hide’s stomach. “The CCG is smarter than I thought, and a ghoul’s nose can be tricked.” The red head took a deep breath. “ _Now,_ when I glide this, on your stomach images will transmit to the screen right there,” Sora held an instrument in her hand, and motioned towards a small screen monitor attached to the machine. “and you’ll see your baby. The tool in my hand is called a transducer and it emits sound waves through your body to the screen. The human ear can’t hear the sound waves, but I can.” She smiled.

“It must be odd, having enhanced hearing.” Hide joked.

“Ahh, it is sometimes. There are things that I’d rather not…hear. But, in general, I think it’s the smell that I hate the most, enhanced smell. Sometimes, when I’m going out to hunt other ghouls, I end up smelling an investigators quinque instead.”

“That has to be fun.” Hide grinned. “Really…”

“Well, if I manage to steal the quinque during the confrontation, I have a nice meal. But I may have lost a hand or two in the process.” She giggled, gliding the tool along Hide’s stomach. Both looked on at the monitor as a vivid, cloudy yet clear image appeared. Shaded in heavy blue and black, yet illuminated, Hide saw an outline of what looked like a sleep baby on the screen.

Sora paused for a while and stared on with a calm smile. “Despite the turmoil I assume you’ve been through, your baby is healthy.”

Hide felt his heart skip several beats. “Really…? That’s…that’s….really good.” Hide didn’t sound as enthusiastic as he wanted. And Sora even seemed confused.  “And the…the sex…?” Hide continued on.

“I should rephrase it and say _she_ is a healthy baby.”

_She…she’s a girl…._

“She…a girl.” Hide chuckled, rather emotionlessly, but still, he chuckled.

“Well, you can go ahead and get cleaned up now Hide. I’ll lead you to the bathroom. You can then meet me downstairs in the dining room and there will be food. There should also be clothes for you in the bathroom.” Sora smiled. “Please take your time.”

Hide smiled and gave Sora a slight nod before getting up and following her to the bathroom.

After she left, he was quick to strip and hop in and out of the shower. He didn’t want time to himself, he didn’t want time to ponder on what had happened or what he’d felt (or what he hadn’t felt). Truth be told, while he was frightened at this whole ordeal he was angry at himself. His lack of empathy towards all that was happening scared him more than the ghouls currently after him.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Upon arriving down stairs, cleaned and dressed in a T-shirt and slacks, he saw Sora sitting at a medium sized dining table. The dining room was large, almost something he’d seen in a Victorian style movie, or something he’d read from a Period book. Needless to say, it wasn’t anything he’d seen in person before.

“This is your dining room? I’ve gotta say, compared to what most of the house looks like, I actually though it would be larger.”

“Ahh, this is usually where lunch is eaten, or where we discuss topics such as the news…or weather.”

“And the dining room,” Hide spoke as he sat across from Sora. “is where the large table is located? Where multiple people sit and eat?”

“Yes. Yes it is. But hardly, is it in use anymore, unless I have a large company. _But,_ given that I have guests, I wouldn’t mind eating in there tonight.”

Speaking of guests. “Where is Hinami?” Hide quietly asked. “I haven’t’ seen her.”

“Oh, she and Mika are in the room upstairs together. Mika is helping her curl her hair. It’s going to look nice when it’s done. They probably won’t be joining us. I hope that’s not a problem.”

Hide quickly shook his head. “If anything, I’m glad for it. Hinami needs a break, she’s been so helpful.”

Sora simply smiled and motioned towards a plate of food currently sitting before Hide. He wasn’t familiar with the food at all, but needless to say he didn’t care. He was hungry now, having trying to avoid food for such a long time.

Sora, on the other hand, sipped her coffee and looked a head at Hide as he ate. Intent and curious. Hide hadn’t really noticed until he looked up, and he grew slightly nervous.

“You seem down, Hide. I know you told me why earlier, but truly, is there another reason?  You seem very…shaken up by all that’s happened and there’s no shame in admitting that.”

Hide shrugged as he nibbled on a piece of bread.  “Shaken up is the best way to describe it, I guess. First it was the CCG, now Kaneki and the other ghouls are after me…and this baby…I have no idea…what to do. I didn’t expect this, at all. Never in my life would I have imagined that _this_ would happen. I don’t think I’m ready for it—I’m being honest. For my whole life, I’ve pushed myself to accept anything that comes my way, even if it affects me negatively. But I don’t know if I can accept this.”

“So you don’t think you want her. Well, I can understand you completely.”

“No, that’s not it.” Hide, realizing just how his confession had come out, shook his head. “That’s not it at all I just…I’m terrified that I won’t be able to support her, or take care of her or anything like that. I’m afraid that with everything happening, I’ll fail her as a parent, in more ways than one and that’s the _last_ thing I want. I don’t want her to die, I don’t want her hurt. I’m so afraid for her.” Such a heavy revelation shook Hide slightly. These were emotions he’d been hiding from even himself, and to expose such a broken state of mind made him even more nervous.

Sora closed her eyes and nodded. “With everything going on, I don’t blame you at all.”

“My life has been completely rerouted around her and I don’t mind. But, if I can’t help her, if I can’t provide for her, what’s…what’s the point?”

“You won’t be doing this alone, Hide.” Sora offered a smile. “I know it’s confusing now, but there are people who will, no matter what, help you. So don’t fret…I know it will be difficult, but we can help you in any way possible.”

Hide, though thankful, kept his joy hidden for a moment longer. “If possible, could you could help me move out of the country? To a place where I can leave all of this behind? I’ve delved too deep into this twisted system and now there’s no escaping, as long as I stay here.”

Sora took another sip of her coffee before continuing. “We could help you, of course. That wouldn’t be hard to arrange at all. But I’d suggest waiting until your daughter’s birth, so things could be easier on you, but until then, we can look for places you can live. If I could throw in a suggestion, I’d say Scotland, that’s a wonderful place.”

“And HInami, Hinami could come with me too?” He would have to ask her how she felt about this all of course, but there was no way he’d suggest doing anything without her.

“Of course. Where you go, Hinami is free to go as well.”

Hide smiled and felt a calming sense caress his body. Things were looking brighter, even if the future was far. He still needed to have hope. This gave him some. A new life, without any of the troubles of the ghouls, or CCG…he needed that, and his new family would. Perhaps, he’d have to prepare himself for leaving Kaneki behind but with Kaneki deeming him as an enemy (for reasons none of them were certain of), distancing himself would be for the best.

“Do you have any good baby names, Sora….just out of curiosity?” Feeling more enthusiastic, he felt the need to ask such a harmless question.

“ _Well,_ my grandmother’s name was Matilda, “Tilda” for short, then my cousin’s name is Helga, then there is Heidi, they were sisters, then Gertrude, Faustina ,then Mildred…Josephine, erm…well…Elsa…”

Hide almost forgot that Sora wasn’t from Japan, so any name she came up with would be foreign. “Elise…Elise is her name. Elise and I don’t get along for various reasons…why one day….” Sora went on and Hide continued to eat. Despite the troubles facing their path, he couldn’t help but feel extremely optimistic about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy. Please tell me what you think. Again, it was kind of hard for me to write this chapter, but I hope you do enjoy it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A while ago, I took a break from TG. Due to some things that popped up recently I won’t be coming back to the tg fandom. Unfortunately. However, I will still be updating my fics, just not on a set schedule. Please know, that I meant to update this fic earlier, it just took a lot of strength. So I hope you enjoy this update and I hope you’re all having a wonderful summer. I’ll give you a better explanation at the end of the chapter.

Shuu had made sure that finding Hide would be simple for Kaneki.

As the two discussed their plans and strategies, Shuu had informed Kaneki that he’d instructed around five of the Tsukiyama family’s most trusted guards to search around for Hide and anyone who could be aiding him. 

“The five of them have a very keen sense of smell; if they simply get a scent from Nagachika, then they’ll find him. They can either bring him back to you, or kill him.”

Shuu had informed Kaneki the day he’d deployed them. “In addition, they will seek out anyone Hide is working with.”

Kaneki, conflicted about the events yet sure he was doing the right thing had nodded. That day they’d been sitting in another café, writing down plans based on the information the Tsukiyama’s family’s detective ghouls had gathered and they had, eventually come to a conclusion that Hide had boarded a train with Hinami and was heading to the country side. His destination was unclear at the moment, but with more investigation, Kaneki was sure they’d figure it out.

“I need Hide alive…” Kaneki managed, overlooking the information read. “However, I realize that Hide has made contact with others during his escape. I think we need to find them. If we do, they can tell us his location.”

Shuu took a sip of his coffee and smiled. “Nice thinking Kaneki. It won’t be that hard to find them either. They both work for the train company, and were on the train Hide was on.  In two days tops, we should have the whereabouts of their location, or at least one.”

Kaneki nodded. “Keiichi and Tomatsu…one is a chef, the other is an engineer.” He held the paper in his hand, marveling over the work done by Shuu’s associates. This was truly impressive. “Well then, in two days…we’ll go after them.”

Shuu, enticed by Kaneki’s determination simply nodded with a smile. “In two days then. For now, let us continue planning.”

OoOoOoOoOoO

It had been about two days since Hide and Hinami had made it to Sora’s house.

During that time, Mika and Hinami’s friendship had all but blossomed. Seeing the two play around and even go out shopping and eating together warmed Hide’s heart. Things were finally looking up—if not for him, life would be easier for Hinami.

However, Hide was focusing more on other things.

He felt guilty, leaving Japan in the midst of all of this. Sure things were going to be bad for him if he stayed, but Aogiri…the Clowns, hell, even the One Eyed King. These were problems that he felt he was a part of.

He knew he had the resources and the wits to make some difference in this war, but it would take some time. And because of that, he was certain of a few things. First and foremost, if he wanted to help fix the problem and truly play his part in bringing peace to both the world of the ghouls and humans, he needed to stay. But he couldn’t do that while taking care of a baby. Not simply because that would complicate things more, but because his biggest fear was that his daughter would be put in danger.

So after thinking about it, Hide came up with a decision for the baby.

“That’s it then…it’s your final decision Hide?” Sora asked quietly as the two walked in her garden that evening. Hide, by her side, remained quiet simply reading the expression on her face. He knew that two days ago, he sounded so enthusiastic about the thought of raising a child, but now such a change was so sudden.

“That’s it…I don’t want to raise a baby in a world like this. Not where her father is out to kill me, and where militant ghoul organizations are out to get her….listen…this world isn’t fit to raise a baby. Or maybe, I’m not fit to raise her. I had so much hope but…” Hide shook his head as he stopped and quietly gazed at the sun setting over head. “It’s just not realistic. You do understand don’t you? This way, I won’t grow attached.”

Sora, crossing her arms simply nodded. “I understand. And it’s a noble decision for you to make.” She gave Hide a kind smile before continuing on. “After we finish our walk, we can get the adoption---”

“I don’t really want to put her up for adoption!” Hide shook his head. “I know how much…I know adoption sounds like a good alternative but so many things can go wrong. I’d know more than anyone.”

“So what’s your plan?”

“I want to give her away. But I want to give her away to someone I know and can trust…I’ve started looking online and in papers for people who want children and I have so many people who I can give her to but, she’s a half ghoul and that complicates things.”

“Hide, if you want me to search for someone I can.” Sora gave a kind smile. “Many times, people who are brought up wealthy don’t have time to settle down and have their own children. Work and life demands their time, every second of it. That said, I know many people of my “background” who would love to take your child in.”

Hide’s heart warmed at the thought. Sora was probably the wealthiest girl he’d ever met, so he could only imagine his daughter in the home of some Duke, wearing a big pink dress and getting the best care. It was hard to face the fact that he would have to part with her, but this was for the best.

“And Hinami…will she be able to…”

“Hinami and Mika are going to be leaving after your baby is born. So both of your girls will be safe and out of harm’s way.” Sora rubbed his back. “And you and I can stay and fight the bad ghouls.”  

Hide laughed in agreement as both he and Sora made their way back to the house.  

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Shuu and Kaneki were only able to find one of the two people that made contact with Hide, and that person happened to be the one named Keiichi. Finding his address wasn’t that hard as in two days tops, they were in front of the door knocking.

“From what we are aware of, he’s simply a chef. If he doesn’t answer our questions about Hide then we can kill him and be done with it.” Shuu spoke as he struck the door with his knuckles. On any other day, Kaneki would have been opposed to killing humans, but given the situation, he would excuse and let it slide. He needed to find Hide no matter what.

Again they knocked, and this time, they heard the high pitch sound of a dog’s bark, some shuffling and finally, there was someone by the door.

“Who is it?” The voice, soft and calm, had a foreign accent as if this person hadn’t been brought up speaking Japanese.

“My name is Tsukiyama Shuu, from the prestigious Tsukiyama family and I’m aware that you are one of the most skilled chef’s in Japan. My family is having a banquet and I wanted to know if you…” As Shuu continued on, the door opened revealing a very short, pale child with a mess of blue hair. From first glance, Kaneki was sure he was staring at a young girl but he spoke rather quietly, addressing both Shuu and Kaneki.

“I don’t appreciate you coming to my house to make a request. If you need an order from me, please either call or come by my restaurant…” As he went on, Kaneki stared. There was something oddly familiar about this Keiichi figure, from his thick rimmed glasses, to his olive eyes and finally his shaggy blue hair. Perhaps his size was the only factor that made him distinguishable, but had been a couple of feet taller, he would have certainly mirrored a young Arima Kishou. And this revelation unsettled Kaneki. If Shuu wasn’t still conversing with an already annoyed Keiichi, Kaneki would have excused the two of them and left.

His train of thought was disrupted when he heard a growling from down below. Casting a glance towards Keiichi’s feet, he noticed a medium sized dog by his leg, growling at both he and Shuu. From the little he knew about dogs, this appeared to be a Shiba Inu—not that a dog in their way was a problem.

“It’s late, may you two please leave? You’re aware of my restaurant’s locations so—”

Shuu made the first move on Keiichi unexpectedly. He grabbed the small chef by the neck and lifted him up, quickly after, he kicked the barking Shiba in the ribs causing him to fly into the house. Kaneki stood in silence.

“I will only give you a few seconds before I decide to kill you.” Shuu spoke as he continued to constrict the chef. With his kakugan blaring, and his kagune deployed,  he seemed more threatening than before and the fear was prominent upon Keiichi’s face. So in quickly, Kaneki spoke.

“You had interaction with someone by the name of Nagachika Hideyoshi. Where is he now?”

“I don’t know who that is! Let me go!” Keiichi managed.

In an act of annoyance, Shuu threw him harder than he did the Shiba. He flew into one of his living room tables and groaned in pain. He didn’t even notice that Shuu was above him, ready to make the finishing blow.

Kaneki looked on as Keiichi, in the last moments of his life, cast a worried look towards the stair case. Kaneki’s first instinct was to investigate, expecting that Hide was hiding in the house. However, before he could go, a blood curdling scream emitted through every inch of the house, rendering Kaneki immobile. For it wasn’t Keiichi’s scream that stopped him, it was Shuu’s. And when Kaneki looked back towards his friend, he had to catch his breath when he saw Keiichi standing up, gazing down at Shuu who currently had both arms ripped from his body.

“Tsukiyama….!” Kaneki turned and ran towards his friend, only to fall short when he realized an invisible force had tripped him, seconds before ripping one of his legs clean from its socket. He fell down, not too far from Keiichi which by now, he finally realized that this seemingly weak chef was a half ghoul.

A half ghoul with an invisible kagune.

“For breaking into my house, trying to kill me and my dog, I’m going to eat one of you and feed the other to Shiba. I’m pretty sure,” He gazed at Shuu. “spoiled brats taste the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s so short, but ugh, Shuu and Kaneki are getting into trouble. And for clarification, Hide is going to give up his daughter for adoption. Let’s just hope things go well for everyone!   
> Anyway, just to give a better explanation for my delay, like I said, I’m leaving the tg fandom. I found a twitter thread that was basically making fun of my stories by some tg artists and that just completely crushed me. And something that happened in the past has been giving me bad anxiety. In short, prior to this and to my leave from the tg fandom, there were some bloggers giving me a hard time. Talking about my fics, and spreading lies about them—it not only made it hard for me to update, but in general, it made it hard for me to continue in the fandom. If you followed me, you knew I wrote metas—there was another meta blogger who decided to drag their hatred for my fics, into crafting a post that claimed that I had “bad metas”, and since then, every time I posted a meta, I’d get hate, every time I updated a fic I’d get hate. This is a very popular tg blogger so yeah…that was inevitable. And to be fair, I’ve never met them, they were just ranting on their blog about me randomly one day , and I won’t even get into the fact that they’ve taken and used some info from some of my theories and post to fuel their own metas, in addition to stealing a friend’s plot from her fic, and making it into one of their most famous theories, while insulting that friend’s story. I think most of my anxiety came from this blogger and their friends, who every so often talk about my stories on their blog. So in short, I just didn’t feel like I could update my fics, write metas or even participate in the fandom because of what I’ve mentioned above. I’ve had way to much anxiety over it, and I’m even anxious updating this fic. So I hope you understand, just why I’ve taken so long, and I’m sorry. I’m not going to give this fic up, but I’m not active in the tg fandom anymore. Sorry, but thank you all for sticking with this fic.   
> It’s just these issues combined with real life issues have led up to extreme anxiety, depression and an eating disorder which I’ve been trying to rid of. So it’s just not healthy for me to fully return to the tg fandom. I hope you all understand.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who left me kind messages, not just on here but if you contacted me on tumblr thank you as well. I won’t be active in TG again, but I’m feeling better and I am going to update this fic because of it. That said, my tumblr is no longer a TG or anime tumblr at all. If you’ve been following me then you’ve realized that. But I will occasionally talk about the manga and my thoughts and opinions on my twitter, which is @YamLovelace. This will be the only place I will still talk about TG so if you wish to follow me then go ahead. My account is locked so you’d have to send me a request, but if you tell me you came from my Ao3, then I’ll happily add you!

Hide and Sora nearly fell asleep, looking through the long list of names they had in mind for adoption.

There were so many wealthy blue bloods willing to take in a baby, luckily they were all related to Sora, meaning they were ghouls. But it wasn’t just that. These people lived in places like England, Scotland, Ireland…places where ghouls were not persecuted. Places where ghouls walked around freely like people, without having to worry about being attacked. They had that right, in various parts of Europe and Hide, wanted his daughter to be given a home and a life where she was free.

Still, this job was tedious and tiring.

“Your aunt, honestly seems like the best choice.” Hide muttered, his head against the table.

“She’s also very vain and snobby. We don’t want your daughter growing up vain and snobby.”

“She isn’t my daughter technically.”

“She certainly isn’t my aunt’s either.” Sora retorted, leaning back against her chair and staring at the ceiling. “My cousin—”

“She’s our age…I just…want someone older…I mean okay, I guess.” Hide took a look at the picture and shrugged. “I guess we can’t be picky—or I can’t be picky.” He managed , lazy slamming the photo of the young girl down on the desk. “I mean, look at me. I’m young and stuck in this situation.”

“She ran a lovely day care.” Sora commented from her side of the table.

Another moment of silence and Sora turned her head towards Hide once again. “Have you gotten any names?”

Hide sat up straight with some type of smile on his face. “Actually I was looking through some books in your library, some I haven’t seen before.”

“Oh.” Sora sounded interested. “I assume you’ve found a name from there.”

“Yes…um…forgiven names. Different names, I think if she’s going to Europe then, she should have a name created by someone from there so…she’s to be a girl? I like the name, Luthien.”

Sora paused for a while, waiting for the name to come back to her. After a few moments she simply smiled. “The name is beautiful no doubt; not my favorite story or character, but it is a wonderful name. Though perhaps, consider making it her middle name…or…” Sora took a breath, seeing how confused Hide looked. “We commonly have middle names in Europe—a Christian name. Luthien is a beautiful middle name. I feel that she should have a more common first name however. How about Lorraine as a first name?”

Thinking for a while, Hide eventually nodded.

“You’re sure about this all then?”

“I’m sure.” Hide smiled. “It’s a nice name. That way, there is little to no connection to she and I being related, as for the last name? It can’t be Kaneki or Nagachika so…”

“Rochester.” Sora perked up. “It is my family name and she’ll be treated well with such a name. in addition, it has little to no ties to you or Kaneki. So, Lorraine Rochester it is.”

Hide giggled a bit. “Rochester is such a scary name.”

“But,” Sora continued. “it will give her great merit in the future.”

OoOoOoOoOo

Keiichi made certain the Shuu would not get up.

All Kaneki could do was watch in his apprehended position; shelves and tables stacked upon him one by one. He tried to move, tried to deploy his kagune, but the fight had drained so much of his energy. Yet Keiichi did not even break a sweat as he finally silenced Shuu once and for all.

_Damnit, this wasn’t smart. We should not have engaged in fighting._  

But it was far too late.

The damage had been done, and Keiichi already stalked Kaneki’s way, wiping a few droplets of blood from his face. Kaneki, still trying to move, could only await his fate.

“Now that your annoying friend is out of the way Ken, you and I have much to discuss.” He knelt down in front of his prisoner. “ _If,_ you comply, I swear I will not hurt you.”

“I’m not going to give you any information; I’ll make you pay for what you did to Tsukiyama—”

“I don’t want your information.” Keiichi snapped. “I have something to tell you however. In regards to your friend; Hide.”

“What about him?” Kaneki sneered. “Are you working with him? Do you know where he’s taken Hinami?”

Keiichi stood up and rolled his eyes. He laughed a little bit before facing Kaneki once more.

“I cannot put this lightly, so I will not try.” He took a breath. “Hinami went with Hide willingly. Hide is not your enemy! I thought you would have been wiser, but I was wrong. Anyone who hangs around this French imposter must be even more daft than he is.” Keiichi motioned towards Tsukiyama or at least, what was left of him. “So I’m not surprised.”

Confusion riddled Kaneki’s face, causing Keiichi to sneer once more.

“Why…why did Hide…leave…?”

“Well, I would go with the fact that you trapped him. Nobody wants to be trapped, even in the house of their lover.” Keiichi sat down next to Kaneki and frowned. “Thank God, you two were not married; that would raise some questions. But Kaneki, you are _too_ paranoid and you do not know Hide at all…but, here is the most important part.”

Kaneki waited in silence.

“Hide is pregnant, with _your_ child.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember my twitter is @YamLovelace. Tumblr is no longer a TG tumblr, so if you followed me on tumblr for TG, you can unfollow! I cannot promise I will update this story anytime soon, but I do hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	15. I need to explain something....

Okay guys, so I don’t really know how to say this but…

I am not going to be continuing Amaryllis, or any of my TG fics—in fact, after this I will have abanonded this account. I won’t come back. I told myself a while ago I was leaving the TG fandom, and I did, and while I tried to have the heart to update my fics, I couldn’t. I even deleted all my TG blogs.

I want to thank everyone who has kept up with all my TG fics, not just this one. For those of you who have supported me on tumblr, and here as well.

Truth is I did try to get back into the TG fandom, I really did, but I just couldn’t.

And for once I am going to give a full detailed explanation. This isn’t to blame anyone, or to attack anyone, I just want to tell my story before I go. I think you all deserve that.

I had been suffering from depression and extreme anxiety long before I joined the tg fandom on tumblr, and for a while it was an escape, but it didn’t take long for some kids (minors) to find my fics and start harassing me about them, and spreading rumors about me and my fics. Note that I put trigger warnings and stuff on my fics—which I made clear were not suitable for minors—but they still found them, and started to build off of that. I eventually had a callout post made about me because of my fics, and because of my political beliefs, and my views on a character (which I will admit, I was ignorant to the character’s identity, because where I grew up and how I grew up, in a highly religious environment, things were odd to me. But instead of lashing out at me, I would have rather wished people would have explained to me, the whole gender identity, so I could have been more respectful at first, rather than people telling me to kill myself for asking a question about something I had no idea about)—and the callout post itself was extremely strained and highly false, but you know most people just reblogged it without reading—and sense then I got so much hate in the TG fandom. I’d wake up to anon hate daily, and I’d wake up to people randomly name dropping me on their blogs, and on twitter.

The minor who made the post, continued to harass me, continued to look on my blog, despite the fact that I had reported them to tumblr, numerous times. I left them alone, but they couldn’t leave me alone. They even tried to find my IP to hand it to people so they could harass me **and this resulted in a 20 year old man at the time, actively posting on his blog that he wanted to hurt and assault me, and find where I live.** I threatened to report the minor to the police for this, and when I did that, they threatened to kill themselves and blame me. So my followers and I tried to get into contact with tumblr and the suicide prevention hotline, so we could call their mother to help them, and eventually, they told everyone that I was trying to out them. They are trans, and their mother didn’t know—so they claimed me contacting their mother, meant me trying to out them to their abusive mother.

So for a while there was a standstill, and I hoped they stopped looking on my blog. There were already various popular TG bloggers who sided with them, spreading rumors about me, and purposely name dropping me. I can’t count how many death threats I got.

One blogger in particular—and perhaps my push for leaving the TG fandom, decided to make another post. They were a very famous edits blogger, and had liked a lot of my TG theories, more so, my theories about Amon/Floppy and Hirako. But then they started to get close to the other blogger and well…they spread rumors. This edit creator lied that I supported rape, because some of my stories dealt with the subject, despite the fact that I always made a point to say I didn’t support it—they lied that I was racist, despite the fact that I am actually black and they are white, and they lied about my theories, and said they were cheesy and shitty, and since then, my metas started losing supporters, while this blogger actually stole some of my meta ideas to use in their own. One specific meta was a meta a friend and I came up with, about the nature of Kaneki’s torture by nature, how it was worse than we thought, and they got famous off of that—they didn’t even credit us. Luckily they got what they deserve, I feel, when they tried to claim a guy took their theories (the same theory they stole from us), and his whole fanbase which wasn’t on tumblr, called them out.

I stopped writing metas after that.

For a while, I believed that things would get better but I was wrong.

The same minor had been spying on my blog, trying to start up some more drama, and by then I was so tired, so I simply apologized. Apologized on my views for their favorite character, and explained my reasoning—and they left me alone.

But by then, the damage had already been done.

The 20 yo man, and his friend had by this point been randomly harassing me. When I told them to stop, they called me out as abeilst. So by this point, I was done.

And the final straw was when I was directed to a twitter post—where some people were asking “is yamiga123 still in the tg fandom?” and they proceeded to talk bad about me.

I was tired of the TG fandom, and my love for the manga had gone in addition to my love for writing. I really think it’s unfair that I won’t be able to finish this fic for you guys.

But I hope the above explanation offers my reasoning for why—I just, didn’t find happiness in it. And writing for tg just makes me extremely depressed. I want to leave TG behind now, I really don’t like it anymore.

I have made some close friends in the fandom, and for that I am happy, but this is the last fic that will be updated.

I’m so sorry

Yamiga.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it. I do not own Tokyo Ghoul.


End file.
